


For you, I would

by lightsandsparks



Category: Dear Evan Hansen - Pasek & Paul/Levenson
Genre: Abandonment Issues, Also this is Connor's POV so there's gonna be a lot of fuck words, Angst with a Happy Ending, Anxiety, Friends to Lovers, Heidi loves using terms of endearment, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Medical Procedures, Murphy Sibling Bonding, Panic Attacks, Wisdom Teeth, is it also obvious that I love pining Connor?, kinda slow burn, medical drama, pining connor, sick evan, soft connor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-04
Updated: 2020-01-13
Packaged: 2020-10-10 04:28:04
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 20,540
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20521931
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lightsandsparks/pseuds/lightsandsparks
Summary: Evan gets his wisdom teeth out and (a pining) Connor takes care of him. Everything seems to be going well at first, until an unexpected issue pops up and Evan’s condition suddenly takes a turn for the worse.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Okay I’m gonna be real honest with you guys here - this fic is pretty much nothing more than 100% hurt/comfort self-indulgence. Between this and some of the fics I’ve written in the past, is it obvious that I love medical dramas? There’s a reason I sat through 15 seasons of Grey’s I guess idk.
> 
> This is going to be about 4 chapters long. I have everything outlined though so there isn’t much chance of writer’s block, meaning updates will most likely be pretty regular.
> 
> Also - credit goes to Tayler for the idea. As pretty much always lol.
> 
> Warning: brief mention of drug use and panic attacks, depiction of anxiety, discussion of medical phobia and other medical stuff

Connor reclines the seat of his car and lays back with his eyes closed. He’s just pulled up to a medical office building with the intention of picking Evan up from his dental appointment, but according to a recent text he’s going to be a few minutes late. Not a big deal - any excuse for Connor to relax and just do nothing for a while is a good one. 

Besides, this is Evan. Connor would do pretty much anything for Evan anyway. 

Evan and Connor have been good friends - best friends, really, for about six months now, but Connor has been crushing on Evan for longer. He used to just admire him from afar, until one day a misunderstanding got them talking, and although it was extremely awkward at first, they forged a tentative friendship. A kinship, really; two losers with no friends - they were pretty much obligated to hang out, right? 

It turned out that actually, Connor and Evan had a lot more in common than just their mutual loser-dom. They both have similar tastes in books and videos games, and listen to some of the same music. They like a lot of the same Netflix shows, and they even frequent some of the same _Reddit boards_. How weirdly specific is _that_? 

Over time though, Connor has come to realize that the reason they get along so well doesn’t really have a lot to do with which hobbies they have in common, though that’s obviously always helped. It has more to do with the fact that Evan is intelligent, both intellectually and emotionally, which is a rare thing to find in people their age. It’s really nice to finally have a peer who’s able to meet him on his own level for once. 

Connor is stirred from his thoughts by the sound of the passenger side door opening, Evan sliding into the seat and slamming the door shut just a tad too forcefully. 

He doesn’t even need to ask. Connor can already tell that something is wrong. 

“How’d it go?” he asks a little uncertainly. Evan doesn’t always want to talk about what’s bothering him right away, especially if the thing that’s bothering him just happened recently. Connor has a feeling that whatever’s going on is somehow related to the appointment Evan had, and he might need some time to process things a little before relaying them to Connor. 

Apparently that’s not the case today. “Horrible. I have to get my fucking wisdom teeth taken out,” Evan responds, rubbing his eyes and looking exhausted. 

Connor nods. He figured as much. Evan has been having some jaw pain for the past week or so, and given his age, it was pretty obvious what was going on. “Yeah, but didn’t you kind of figure that already?” 

“I did, but... I dunno. I guess I was just kind of hoping I was wrong?” 

“It’s not that bad,” Connor tries. “I mean, I haven’t had mine out yet, but I hear it’s mostly just a few days of eating ice cream and being on the fun drugs. You’ll be alright.” 

Evan shakes his head. He’s really anxious, Connor can tell. He has both of his fists balled so tightly that his knuckles are turning white, he’s bouncing his leg, and his forehead looks a little clammy with sweat. “I don’t know who you’ve been talking to, but I’ve heard _horror stories_. People say it hurts really bad, and there’s all kinds of possible complications like infection or abscesses or you know, stuff like that.” 

“That’s not gonna happen to you though. You’ll be fine.” 

Evan doesn’t respond. Connor blows out a breath and starts the car, knowing that Evan will be anxious about this no matter what he says. Connor pulls out of the parking lot and onto the road, figuring he should give him a little time and then try for a distraction technique before Evan gets too lost in his own head. 

A few minutes later, Evan surprises Connor by speaking up. “I just. I’ve never had surgery before and I’m really scared of things like needles and doctors and medical procedures and I have no idea what to expect and I _hate_ that, oh my god, I’m probably going to freak out and have a panic attack and it’s going to be so embarrassing because I’m eighteen years old and this shouldn’t be such a big deal but it _is_, it really is,” Evan spits out all in one breath. 

Connor waits until he’s sure the ramble is over before asking, “Did you schedule the surgery yet?” 

“Yeah, it’s Saturday morning.” 

“Okay, that’s perfect then. Would you feel better if I came with you?” Connor isn’t sure he’s offering anything substantial, but it’s the only thing he can think of doing to help Evan. 

Evan nods rapidly and it’s really fucking adorable, good lord. “That would be great.” He sounds relieved. “I mean, my mom will probably be there too, but yeah. Thank you so much Connor, oh my god.” 

“No problem. That’s what I’ll do then.” Noting that Evan seems a bit happier after that, he rolls with it and tries for some distraction. “So, talk to me about that book we have to read for AP English. Is it as pretentious as it seems?” 

\-- 

Connor takes Evan home and notices Heidi’s car is in the driveway. She’d texted Connor to let him know that she had gotten done work early and could pick Evan up if he wanted, but of course, Connor declined that offer. 

He told her that he was already on his way, but the reality was that he hadn’t even left his house yet. He was just… really looking forward to seeing Evan. 

“She’s home?” Evan wonders, following Connor’s gaze. Apparently Heidi hadn’t relayed the message to Evan himself. 

“Oh, yeah,” Connor says as he parks in the driveway. “She texted me to say she got done early but I was already on my way to get you.” He hates lying to Evan, but what is he supposed to do, tell the truth? The truth is that he’s creepy, that’s he’s in love with his best friend, and he would definitely rather keep that information to himself, thank you very much. 

“Shit, I’m sorry, Connor. You went out of your way for nothing.” 

“What ‘way’?” Connor laughs, looking over at him. “You and I both know I wasn’t doing jack shit.” 

Evan smiles and it almost knocks Connor out. “Wanna come in? I’m sure she’s probably trying to make dinner or something since she’s actually home at a decent time for once, but I can’t really eat because my jaw still hurts. Maybe you can have my leftovers or whatever?” 

Connor smiles back and doesn’t need to think twice on his answer. “Sure.” 

The two of them enter the house and Evan calls out to his mom. She answers from the kitchen immediately, “In here!” and they make their way over to her. 

They find Heidi in the kitchen, standing over a pot of what looks like soup. Connor smiles to himself a little. Sometimes Evan really underestimates his mom; he always just assumes that she’s going to forget about him, about his needs, about his existence. 

To Evan’s credit though, she kind of does make a habit of that. Connor knows that assuming the worst is Evan’s defense mechanism against getting his hopes up only to have them crushed, and that has happened so often before that Connor really doesn’t blame him. He’d probably do the same thing. 

But every once in a while, like now, Heidi clearly manages to surprise Evan. She remembered that his jaw is bothering him so she made him soup. It’s something small, but Connor knows little things like this really mean the world to Evan. 

“Hi boys! How’s it going?” 

“Hey mom. What’s that?” Evan asks, looking at the pot. 

“Chicken noodle soup, your favorite. How’s your jaw? Do you think you can eat this?” 

“It hurts, but I took some Advil a while ago and it helped, so yeah, probably.” Evan walks over to stand by her and she kisses his cheek. 

“What did the doctor say?” 

He sighs. “All four of my wisdom teeth are impacted and they have to come out.” 

“I figured. Did they schedule your surgery?” 

“Yeah, Saturday, is that okay?” 

Heidi pauses, eyes shifting upwards like she’s thinking, and Connor already knows what her answer is going to be. She has to work. 

“Well, I have to work from 7am to 7pm, but I’m sure I can get someone to cover for me.” She sounds skeptical, uncertain, and Connor thinks he might know why. Evan had mentioned it to him a few days ago when he first noticed the pain; apparently, Heidi and Evan don’t have the best health insurance, and medical procedures like this usually cost them a lot out-of-pocket. 

Now that it’s confirmed that Evan will be having surgery, she’ll need to work some extra hours to help pay for it. At least, that’s what Evan said. 

Connor walks over to them. “You don’t have to do that. I already told him I’d come with him for moral support. He’s eighteen so he doesn’t need a parent or guardian, just a ride. I’ll drive him home and help him out here and everything.” 

Heidi hesitates, looking complacent. “I don’t know, Connor. I can’t put that on you. Besides, Evan is a horrible patient.” 

“I am not!” 

“You are too,” Heidi says, but her voice is fond. “Remember that time you had the stomach flu and refused to eat anything other than the rice from that very specific Chinese store all the way across town? I drove there like four times that week.” 

Evan’s face goes red and Connor is honestly just offended by how cute he is. 

“I think I can handle it. God knows I’m a nightmare like, 24/7. If he can put up with me this often then I probably owe him one.” 

Evan furrows his brow and looks at Connor, clearly annoyed. “Shut up, I hate when you say stuff like that. You’re not a nightmare.” 

“I agree, Connor.” Heidi says in her usual perky tone. “But okay, if you’re sure. That would really help me out sweetheart. What do you think, Evan?” 

Evan shrugs a little. “Works for me.” He turns to Connor. “I apologize in advance if I get to be super annoying, though.” 

Connor shakes his head. “No. I’m sure you’ll be fine.” 

“Do you want to stay for dinner?” Heidi asks Connor. “We only have soup but there’s a few cans here so plenty for everyone. I can give you some pointers on how to deal with this one when he’s an invalid.” 

“Mom, please stop.” 

Connor smiles deviously and Evan just rolls his eyes, but then he’s smiling too. 

“Actually, that sounds great.” 


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> me: hahah no worries guys updates are gonna be like. so!! fuckin!! regular!!  
also me: *gets a second job, goes on vacation, starts a new full-time job, pretty much just sleeps during free time at this point*  
this fic and anyone reading it: wtf
> 
> So yeah. I might have overestimated myself just a tad? Sorry guys. I thought I would be a lot less exhausted in my free time but no such luck, unfortunately. Don’t worry though, I’ve never abandoned a fic and I most certainly am not going to start now! It’s just that updates are probably going to be a bit slower than originally planned, that's all :)
> 
> As always, thank you for reading!
> 
> **Warnings:** Anxiety, medical stuff

Connor really doesn’t know what to do. 

He’s currently sitting next to Evan in the surgical waiting room, and he just had to talk him down from a full-blown panic attack before they got out of the car. Usually, Evan is exhausted after those, but right now he’s obviously still jittering with nervous energy and Connor has no idea what to say or do to help him. 

He’s already assured him about a hundred times that it’s going to be okay, that all he has to do is go to sleep and wake up and it’ll all be over with, that no, he’s not going to accidentally wake up during surgery and that he is absolutely not going to die. It’s going to be fine, Connor has promised him this over and over. 

But still, Evan is terrified and it’s totally obvious to anyone with eyes. 

Distractions aren’t even working at this point. Connor has tried showing him about three different youtube videos, tried telling him random stories, tried asking him about school or Jared or his mom - yet still, Evan is clearly freaking out. All his tells are there - he’s bouncing his leg, biting his nails. He’s unusually quiet, which isn’t that unusual except he’s never quiet around Connor, not anymore. Not unless something is wrong. 

Connor is starting to feel like he’s failing at this whole caregiving thing and he’s barely even begun. 

Figures. 

He’s scrolling through his saved youtube videos (he swears he found an interesting one about heliotropism last week that he kept specifically to show Evan) when a nurse walks into the waiting room and calls Evan’s name. 

Connor stands up instinctively. He had promised Evan that he would ask if he could come back and into the room with him, although he has a feeling he’ll be denied. He thinks they’re probably not going to want him in the way, and most likely it’s just not allowed in general, but maybe they’ll make an exception when they see how scared Evan is? 

No such luck. 

“Sorry, hon,” the nurse answers Connor sympathetically. “The surgical room is a little too small for more than just the patient and medical staff while we’re setting everything up, but you can be there when he wakes up if you want.” 

Connor thinks that’s a pretty fair deal, but he’s not sure how Evan is going to react. 

Surprisingly, Evan just gives a little half-hearted shrug, looking resigned. “That’s fine.” 

“Okay,” Connor says. “Uh, good luck I guess? You okay?” 

Evan nods without making eye contact. “Yeah. Thanks.” 

“Come on, hon,” the nurse says to Evan sweetly. She’s blonde and perky and she reminds Connor of Heidi. He hopes Evan makes the same connection. Maybe that will make him feel at least a little bit more comfortable. 

Evan disappears behind the door and now Connor has nothing to do but wait. 

And wait. For what feels like fucking _hours_. 

In reality, it’s only been 45 minutes. But then the one-hour mark comes and goes and Connor’s anxiety spikes and he grows frustrated. What the hell is taking so long? 

He googles around a bit and finds that a wisdom tooth extraction should take about an hour to an hour and a half. Connor knows that all four of Evan’s teeth had been impacted, so obviously it could be another half hour or even more... 

But still. 

Anxiety doesn’t really listen to reason. 

Eventually though, the nurse from earlier returns to the waiting room and calls for Connor to come to the back. Thank _god_. 

Connor’s heart starts to race when he stands up but he’s not really sure why. He’s not nervous to see Evan or anything like that, and he knows everything is fine because the nurse is telling him so as she leads him to Evan. 

Yet still, he’s nervous. 

Oh well. He can unpack that later. Right now he has more important things to focus on. 

“He’s still woozy of course, though I’m sure you expected that,” the nurse tells him where she’s stopped outside of what he assumes is Evan’s room. “Are you going to be the one that’s helping him out at home?” 

“Yeah,” Connor affirms. He had only agreed to be there until Heidi gets home tonight, but he’s not sure how often she’s actually going to be able to be physically present for the next few days. It’s not like she said she was going to take any days off or anything. 

He has a feeling he is going to be the primary person who’s in this for the long haul. 

Not that he minds, like, at all, since being alone with Evan is pretty much his favorite thing. However, Connor knows that Heidi’s chronic absence from his life is one of Evan’s biggest emotional struggles. He talks about it to Connor a lot and it’s something he may never really reconcile with until he talks about it to Heidi directly, but that probably won’t happen anytime soon. 

Either way, Connor knows it’s probably going to upset Evan. 

“Okay,” the nurse pulls Connor from his thoughts. “We’ll give you all of his care instructions and things like that before you leave. For right now, he probably just needs a familiar face. He was really nervous before he went under and asked for you almost as soon as he woke up.” 

Connor scoffs internally, annoyance with this woman beginning to brew under the surface. He _knows _Evan was nervous before he went under, that’s why he fucking asked to go back with him. The thought of Evan all alone and scared like that makes his heart clench in an extremely unpleasant way, and he almost wants to give this woman a piece of his mind, but then the door opens and he sees the back of Evan’s head and all previous thoughts evaporate instantly. 

“Hey, man,” Connor says as he comes around to the other side of the chair to face Evan, cringing at himself right after he says it. 

Every once in a while, Connor accidentally calls Evan “man.” It’s some weird, subconscious tool his brain has decided to utilize in order to cover up the fact that Connor is pretty much head over heels in love with him. It’s dumb and so fucking hetero and using the nickname always leaves a dipleasant taste in his mouth. 

He blames the habit on Larry. 

“Hi,” Evan says and his voice is even lower than normal and gravelly sounding. He looks sleepy and out of it and just. _So_ goddamn adorable. 

Connor smiles at him. “How are you feeling?” 

“Ugh,” is Evan’s only answer. 

“Yeah, I figured. Are you in pain?” 

Evan seems to hesitate, but eventually he says, “Yeah. They said the pain meds will help though.” His words are slow and slurred and Connor can barely understand him as tries to speak around the gauze in his mouth. 

“They didn’t give you anything for the pain here?” 

“No. We have to go pick up the prescription.” Evan rubs at his eye and blinks slowly. “Can we go pick up the prescription?” 

Connor smiles affectionately. “Of course. I’ll take you there as soon as we’re allowed to leave.” 

Evan whimpers a little and it makes Connor want to kiss him on the mouth for some weird fucking reason. He doesn’t, though. Obviously. 

“When can we leave? I wanna go home.” Evan is whining blatantly now, which Connor would find cute if he wasn’t well aware he’s only doing it because he’s in pain. 

“As soon as the nurse lets us. I’m sure it’ll be soon?” Connor kind of half-asks the empty room. The nurse wandered off somewhere and hasn’t been back. 

Evan just groans in response. 

Once again, Connor finds himself at a loss for what to do. 

God, he _fucking sucks _at this. 

Heidi obviously made a big mistake. 

Connor sits in the empty stool next to the dental chair and racks his brain. Admittedly, he’s pretty well versed in comforting Evan by now, so he’s not really sure what his hang-up is. He’s talked him through plenty of panic attacks and breakdowns in the months since they’ve been friends. 

But this is... different. 

It’s different, because now Connor is responsible for Evan’s entire wellbeing. For feeding him, for making sure he’s getting enough rest, for keeping him on his medication schedule. For making sure he doesn’t develop a fever or get dry socket or something. 

It’s a lot. 

It’s overwhelming. 

And with the way he’s already floundering… 

“Fucking _ow_,” Evan says articulately as he brings a hand to his cheek. Connor winces in sympathy and watches as Evan rubs at his cheeks gently. He notices they’re swollen, just a bit, though he knows from research they’ll probably get worse later on today. 

Either way, it makes Evan look even cuter than normal and. How? How is that even possible? 

Connor snaps out of his reverie when he sees Evan’s hands move away from his cheeks and head for his mouth. 

“Hey, hey,” Connor says in that soft tone of voice he only allows himself to use around Evan. “Don’t mess with your mouth. It has stitches and gauze and stuff in it still and those need to stay put.” 

Evan squeezes his eyes shut and obeys, but when he opens them again Connor is horrified to see they’ve gone glassy. “I just wanna go home and go to bed. I’m so tired and it _hurts_.” 

Shit, okay. Connor didn’t really expect this reaction at all. He figured Evan would be all loopy and silly, just like the people in those viral post-wisdom teeth removal videos. 

Heidi must have expected the same thing, because he promised her a recording of Evan if he starts doing or saying anything amusing. 

Connor doesn’t think she’ll want a video of this, though. 

Admittedly, he’s getting himself a little worked up, and he’s about to panic-text Heidi when the nurse finally, _fucking finally_, reenters the room. 

He rounds on her almost immediately. “Is this normal? He seems like he’s in a lot of pain. Everything’s okay, right?” 

The nurse just smiles at him patiently. “Everyone reacts to anesthesia differently. Besides, he had four impacted wisdom teeth. That means the surgery was a little more invasive, so it makes sense that he’d be in more pain than someone who only had one or two.” 

Connor feels himself relax a bit. Just a bit. 

The nurse then takes the opportunity to go over Evan’s care instructions with Connor. There’s a lot of information, but luckily Connor did enough research that none of it is really news to him. Ice for the swelling, antibiotics every six hours, pain meds every four, soft food, no straws. Got it. 

“We’re going to be giving him extra-strength Vicodin, so make sure you keep an eye on him because he’s going to be pretty out of it. Actually, he’s also probably going to be a little unsteady on his feet for the next couple of hours until the anesthesia wears off completely, so make sure he isn’t trying to drive or taking the stairs by himself or anything like that.” 

The image of Evan falling head-first down the stairs suddenly flashes before Connor’s eyes and he almost throws up on the nurse’s shoes. 

“Okay! That’s about it.” She hands Connor the printed-out care instructions and tells him where to pick up Evan’s prescriptions, then asks, “Any questions?” 

_Yeah, _Connor thinks._ First, what the hell was Heidi thinking leaving me, of all useless people, to take care of her only son and second, just how badly am I going to wind up fucking all of this up?_

The nurse helps Evan out of the chair and leads them to the waiting room, telling them they’re free to go. She says a quick goodbye then leaves, and Connor’s left awkwardly standing next to an Evan who’s literally swaying on his feet. Fuck. 

“Okay Ev,” Connor addresses Evan, trying to keep his words clear and concise. “I’m gonna take your elbow and help lead you out of here, just like the nurse was doing. Is that okay?” 

Evan nods his consent. Connor’s noticed that he’s choosing to use his words less and less now. 

Those pain meds better be ready for pickup the _second _Connor pulls into the pharnmacy’s drive-through, damnit. 

“You did really well today,” Connor tells him once they’re both in the car and buckled up. “Remember how nervous you were? It was easier than you thought, right?”  


“It _hurts_.” 

Connor sighs in defeat as he pulls out of the parking lot. “I know,” he says, feeling stupid, because he _doesn’t_ know. He has no idea what it feels like to have your wisdom teeth removed because he hasn’t needed his out yet. “As soon as we have your pain meds I’ll give you a dose, I promise.” 

“Okay,” Evan says and it comes out so small, so vulnerable, that Connor’s heart nearly shatters. “I’m sorry.” 

Connor almost asks “_for what?_”, but he knows better than that by now. “Don’t be. It’s okay, Evan. Everything’s okay.” 

Evan nods and Connor peripherally sees him close his eyes. “Okay.” 

He’s silent for a while and Connor starts to wonder if he’s fallen asleep, but as soon as Connor parks the car he opens his eyes and looks around, seeming drowsy and confused. 

“Hey,” Connor nudges Evan’s shoulder gently. “We’re at the pharmacy. I’m parking because I want to run in and grab some soup and a water bottle so you can take the meds as soon as we have them, okay? I’ll be right back. You can go back to sleep if you want.” 

Evan just stares at him with a worried expression and Connor doesn’t really need to ask what’s going on in his brain. “I promise I’ll come back. Pinky promise, okay?” 

For the first time all day, Connor sees the corners of Evan’s lips quirk up into a tiny smile as they link pinkies. “Can’t break one of these,” Connor reminds him. “Okay, be right back.” 

Connor actually prides himself a little as he walks out of the pharmacy about five minutes later. He’s never been in that particular CVS before but he found the soup and water in record time. He even got some pudding and applesauce, just in case Evan gets bored of soup and feels like switching it up at some point. 

Connor is relieved to find Evan in what is mostly the same state he left him in. He’s leaning his head against the glass and looks downright miserable, but he’s in one piece and that’s all Connor can really ask for right now. 

It doesn’t last very long, though. 

Seriously, Connor took his eyes off of him for two minutes. They’re waiting in the drive-through pharmacy line and Zoe texted him to ask some dumb question and when he gets done texting her back he looks up at Evan to find him crying. 

Fuck. Fuck._ Fuck._

This isn’t good. This really isn’t good. 

Because Connor knows Evan and Evan doesn’t do this. He isn’t someone who lets his pain show like this. In fact, he’s usually someone who is alarmingly good at _hiding_ his pain. It’s like, because he’d been pretending he was fine when he actually wasn’t for so long, it’s his first instinct to try and keep up that farce. Connor has tried to get through to him before, tried to explain to Evan that he needs to stop doing that but still, denial is always his first default. 

However... this? This isn’t normal. Hell, Evan has barely said anything to Connor since he woke up from surgery besides “_It hurts_” and now he’s crying. Not hard. He’s not like, sobbing or anything. But there are tears rolling down his slightly swollen cheeks and he just looks so upset and uncomfortable and Connor has absolutely no idea what to do. 

He has to do something, though. 

Something tangible. 

Anything. 

“Hey,” Connor says. His hand automatically reaches out and lands on Evan’s shoulder like there’s some kind of magnetic pull between the two of them. “What’s going on?” 

Evan shakes his head slowly, fists coming up to rub at his eyes. He sniffles a bit and eventually says, “It’s stupid.” 

“It’s not stupid if it’s making you cry.” 

Evan scoffs and rolls his eyes. 

Wow, okay. Connor didn’t expect Sassy Evan to make an appearance until later. 

He anticipates an argument, but Evan just doesn’t have enough fight in him today, it seems. “It’s just… the pain, honestly. I’m sorry. But even just talking to you right now is killing me.” 

“No more talking until we get your pain meds then, okay?” 

Evan nods, wiping his face with the sleeves of his hoodie, cheeks tinged in what Connor assumes to be embarrassment. 

Luckily, the drive-through line is pretty fast moving. Evan’s meds are filled and ready to go, so all Connor has to do is pay, which he does without Evan realizing, thankfully. He’d have never let Connor do that if he were in a normal state of mind. 

Connor pulls out of the line and into a parking space. He reaches for the water bottle he just purchased and uncaps it, handing it over to Evan who takes it gingerly. Then Connor gets the pharmacy bag, and it takes some fumbling but he figures out which ones are the antibiotics versus which are the pain meds and doles out a dose of each to Evan’s waiting palm. 

Evan takes them immediately, with what seems like no regards to his sore mouth. 

Until he swallows, that is. “Ow, fuck.” 

“Careful,” Connor warns him. 

“Thanks,” Evan says with a hint of sarcasm as he rubs his left cheek for a moment. “Can we go now?” 

Connor finds himself smiling a little. God, he fucking loves it when Evan lets his gaurd down and allows himself to be something other than one-hundred percent polite at all times. “Yeah, let’s go.” 

He definitely has his work cut out for him. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Don’t worry, you’re not getting away from Loopy Evan that easily. He will definitely make an appearance in the next chapter.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I know this is only relevant to the last chapter buuut Evan’s experience with getting his wisdom teeth out is actually based on my own! Well, not the entire thing. I just mean that I was miserable, No Fun At All when I woke up, and definitely not worth recording. It does happen lol. But if you haven’t had yours out yet, don’t let this fic freak you out. It’s really not that bad. Complications are rare and the pain meds will take care of most of your discomfort :)

Connor is really fucking relieved when they make it back to Evan’s house for several reasons, the most prominent of which being that they’re both in one piece. 

Admittedly, he went way over the speed limit to get them home as fast as possible, so he thanks his lucky stars that they didn’t wind up in some sort of accident. He’d despise himself even more than he already does if he ever hurt Evan in any way. 

The second reason he’s relieved is because Evan was clearly falling asleep in the car but trying very hard not to. 

That was mostly just adorable, though. 

They walk into the house and Evan makes a beeline for his couch. He slumps into it and doesn’t even bother to lay down, just closes his eyes. 

Connor thinks for a moment. “So, I know you want to go to sleep, but are you hungry at all?” Evan had been given strict instructions not to eat or drink anything after midnight last night, so Connor thinks he’s got to be starving. 

Evan opens his eyes and takes a moment to respond before slowly shaking his head. It’s so subtle that Connor almost doesn’t see it. 

“Is that the truth, or do you just not want to eat?” Connor is familiar with Evan’s (frankly) shitty eating habits by now; enough to know that just because he says he doesn’t _want_ food, that doesn’t always mean he doesn’t _need_ food. Evan had tried explaining to Connor that it’s an anxiety thing, that sometimes his stomach just feels so twisted up in knots that he can’t bring himself to eat, but that point became pretty moot ten minutes later when Evan’s stomach growled so loudly that they were both able to hear it. 

“Not hungry,” Evan says firmly. 

Connor suppresses a sigh. “Alright. You haven’t eaten since dinner last night though, and it’s almost noon, so you’re going to have to try soon. Okay?” 

“Fine.” Evan does not sound pleased with that idea in the least bit. 

“You wanna take a nap now?” 

Evan’s shoulders sag a little in what looks like relief. “Yeah.” 

“Okay. Do you want to head upstairs to your bed or do you wanna stay down here?” 

Again, Evan hesitates, but eventually he decides, “Here.” 

“Okay. Let me just go grab some pillows and blankets and shit from your room, then.” 

That seems to get Evan’s attention right away. His head snaps up and he yelps out a small “No!” before Connor can even make a move. “No,” he says again, slower this time. “I mean, no, it’s okay. We have throw pillows and there’s a blanket on the back of that armchair over there.” 

Connor’s eyes follow over to where Evan is gesturing, observing the small, thin blanket and some pillows that honestly look hard as rocks. “Wouldn’t you be more comfortable with like, actually-soft pillows and an actually-warm blanket though?” 

Evan shakes his head rapidly, eyes wide. “It’s fine, I’m fine, I just wanna sleep. Can you, like…” he trails off and Connor waits patiently for him to find his words. “Can you, uh… Can you just… stay?” 

Connor raises an eyebrow in confusion. “Didn’t really plan on leaving until tonight, remember?” 

Then it hits him. 

“Oh.” Connor says, putting the pieces together. “You mean you want me to sit here with you until you fall asleep?” 

Evan’s cheeks turn a little pink. “Yeah, yes please. That is, if you don’t mind?” 

“Of course not, Ev. I get it.” 

“Thank you.” 

So Connor does as promised. He sits in the armchair so Evan can stretch out his legs and doesn’t leave his line of sight until after he’s fallen asleep. Even then, Connor stays where he is and watches daytime television for about an hour or two, but eventually he gets fed up with the sight of Jenny McCarthy’s stupid face and reclines the chair, sets an alarm, and takes a nap as well. 

When he wakes up again, it’s not to the sound of his alarm, which immediately puts Connor on edge even though he’s barely awake. “Mmm, Evan? Y’alright?” he asks, rubbing his eyes and trying to get them to focus. 

It takes a few seconds, but he quickly realizes that Evan is no longer on the couch where Conoor left him. Shit, shit, shit. 

“Evan?” he calls, sitting up fully and feeling a bit frantic. “Where’d you go?” 

“In here,” answers a barely-there voice from the kitchen. 

Connor jumps out of the chair and makes it to the kitchen in seconds. His eyes land on Evan right away; a very unsteady Evan who looks up from staring blankly into the fridge, squinting at Connor like he’s too far away to see. “Sorry.” 

“It’s okay, but you definitely should have told me you were hungry. The nurse said not to be wandering around the house alone like this, remember?” 

“You were sleeping,” Evan says weakly as Connor leads him by his elbow to sit at the kitchen table. 

“Well, just wake me up next time. I’m here for you, not to catch up on my beauty rest.” 

Evan doesn’t even laugh at the joke, just stares blankly at the table, head bobbing a little like he’s the passenger on a rocking boat. 

A thought occurs to Connor, and he checks the time where it’s displayed on the oven. “It’s been almost four hours since your last dose of pain meds. I’ll get you some food and then you can take more, okay?” 

“Soup?” Evan asks, finally looking up at Connor. His eyes are half-lidded and a little crossed, but they’re just as blue and pretty as ever. Fucking Christ, this boy will be the death of him. 

“Yeah,” Connor answers distractedly. “Is that what you want?” 

Evan furrows his brows and looks like he’s concentrating hard on something before nodding. “Soup,” he says firmly, looking certain. 

Connor laughs a little, turning to locate a pot in the cabinets. “Are you sure you need more pain meds? Because you’re definitely high as fuck right now.” 

“Um…” Evan pauses and when Connor looks back at him, his brow is furrowed again. “Yeah.” 

“So you’re still in pain?” he asks, unable to stop the concern from seeping into his words. 

Evan doesn’t answer, and when Connor glances up from the soup he’s managed to get on the stove, he sees Evan is staring out the kitchen window. 

Connor puts a lid on the pot and leaves it to heat up before making his way over to Evan. He’s worried that he has his head turned to hide tears or something equally as unsettling, but when Connor follows his gaze he realizes Evan’s just watching a butterfly through the window. 

Fucking hell. 

How is it even legal to experience this much affection towards just one person? Connor stands there, feeling like his heart is going to explode as he watches Evan’s sleepy eyes follow the butterfly where it moves from flower to flower outside in the garden, a tiny smile on his face. 

The temptation to lean down and kiss his head, his hands, his mouth, his face, something, anything is so strong. 

But he doesn’t. Obviously. 

He allows himself to get caught up in the moment a bit until the butterfly flies away, effectively breaking the spell it had on Evan and therefore Connor as well. “Huh?” 

Connor stifles a snort. “I asked if you were still in pain.” 

“Oh, uh.” Evan wrinkles up his nose a little. “Yeah, but. The gauze… can I?” 

Connor knows what he’s asking and his stomach drops immediately. 

_“_Fuck!” He can’t stop himself from shouting. _How could he do this?_ How could he be so fucking _careless_? 

“What?” 

Connor grabs a fistfull of his hair and tugs. “I wasn’t supposed to let you sleep with the fucking gauze still in your mouth. I’m such an idiot, oh my god.” 

“Nooo,” Evan says, dragging out the word unnecessarily. “You are not.” 

“I am, I really fucking am. You could have choked and I never would have known because I was asleep too. Fuck!” He hates himself, he just really, really hates himself. He is the absolute worst. 

“Connor, stoop, it’s okay, I’m okay.” 

“But you almost weren’t, Evan!” He’s yelling, he knows he’s yelling and Evan hates yelling he needs to stop yelling but he _can’t_. “You could have died and it would have been all my fault!” 

It happens so fast that Connor isn’t even fully aware of it right away. All he knows is that one minute he was practically tearing the hair out of his scalp and the next he has Evan’s arms wrapped around his waist. 

Connor comes back to himself, back down to earth, and realizes Evan has stood up and is hugging him. It’s so soft, so gentle, so caring that Connor’s body has no choice but to relax. Slowly, bit by bit, then all at once. 

Connor hugs back. Tightly. 

They stand there silently for a few minutes, no words needed. Eventually, it’s Evan who is the first to pull away because of course he is. If given the opportunity, Connor would have stayed like that forever. 

“You okay?” Evan asks as he sits back down. 

“Yeah,” Connor sighs, sitting down as well. “Sorry I freaked out. I just really feel like shit about this. I kinda feel like I failed at taking care of you.” 

Evan shrugs. “No! You didn’t, you’re doing great. It’s okay, really. Don’t- don’t worry about it.” He struggles to finish his sentence when he’s interrupted halfway through by a yawn. 

“Alright.” Connor glances behind him at the pot of soup. “I should probably go stir the soup. I’ll get the trashcan so you can spit out the gauze, and then I’ll give you some water to rinse your mouth out, okay?”  


Evan actually smirks a little. “I can walk, Connor.” 

“I know. I just... just let me do this, okay?” 

Evan nods and does as he’s told when Connor comes back with the trashcan and water. He then eats almost all of his soup, and even drinks a whole glass of orange juice with his pain meds. Pleased, Connor walks him back to the couch and doesn’t even bother cleaning up yet, not wanting to let Evan out of his sight for even a second. 

Luckily, Evan goes back to sleep within minutes. Connor waits a while, but once he’s satisfied that Evan isn’t going to wake up or spontaneously combust any time soon, he leaves to quickly clean up the kitchen, loading the dishwasher and grabbing Evan some water in case he wants it when he wakes up next. 

It’s a little under two hours later before that actually happens. Connor has watched an entire movie, some dumb Hallmark thing that he doesn’t know the name of, and is actually sort of engaged in an episode of Family Feude when he notices Evan stirring. 

Evan sits up on the couch, looking so disoriented, his hair sticking up all over the place and Connor smiles. It’s been time for Evan’s next dose of antibiotics for about twenty minutes now, and Connor had been debating on how to wake him up to take it. 

“Hey,” Connor calls out to Evan softly, hoping he doesn’t sound too weirdly over-affectionate or something. “Perfect timing. You need to take your antibiotics.” 

Evan blinks at Connor and it seems like it’s taking him a long time to process that simple statement. He rubs at his eyes and groans a little before finally responding, “I _hate_ antibiotics.” 

“I know you do, but you don’t really have a choice. Do you want to take them with water or more orange juice?” 

Connor manages to get Evan to take the pill with little resistance, but he does feel badly. A lot of people get stomachaches when they’re on antibiotics and Evan is no exception; it sucks that Connor has to give him something that is only going to make him more miserable, but he knows it’s necessary and well worth it so he tries not to worry too much. 

After that, everything goes pretty smoothly. Evan fades in and out of sleep for the rest of the day, only interrupted by Connor once around 7:30pm for his next dose of pain meds and some food. Heidi is due home by 9, so after that, Evan decides he’ll stay awake to see her. 

They hear the door open a little after 9, followed by a cheerful “Hi boys!” and Evan perks up right away. 

She comes around to stand by the couch, hovering over Evan and observing him. “How was it, sweetie?” 

Evan shrugs. “Not so bad.” 

“How do you feel?” 

“Like crap.” 

“Aww,” Heidi coos and does that Very Motherly Thing where she’s running her fingers through his hair. “How’s your pain?” 

“Like a 7, I guess.” 

“Yeah, I figured as much.” She looks over at Connor. “I see you made it out alive. I’m impressed! It takes thick skin to handle this one when he’s not feeling well.” 

“Mom, please stop, okay?” Evan groans, clearly irritated but also kind of smiling a little. “That’s not true.” 

“Oh, but it is.” 

“He really wasn’t that bad,” Connor says honestly. “And I’m not just saying that, seriously. He mostly slept, but he ate twice and has been keeping hydrated and even took his medicine like a good boy.” Connor can’t help it, he had to tease him just a _little_. 

Evan’s whole face goes bright red. “Shut up,” he says, but he’s still smiling. 

“Alright, alright,” Heidi interrupts and and she’s smiling so wide for some reason. “No more torture for the invalid. You ready to go to bed, kid?” 

“Yeah,” Evan says softly, even just the suggestion causing him to yawn. 

“‘Kay, I’ll walk you up. Connor, real quick before you leave: when is he next due for his meds?” 

Connor checks the notes app on his phone and tells Heidi Evan’s schedule, screenshotting it and texting it to her phone just in case, before she insists that he go home and get some rest. 

He turns to leave, but there’s a question that’s been on his mind all day. “Uh, what about tomorrow? I don’t mind coming over again if you need to work.” 

“Well,” Heidi says as she gathers the blankets and pillows Connor wound up getting for Evan despite his protests. “I am scheduled for another 8am-8pm tomorrow, but I was planning on calling out.” 

Connor can see it in her eyes - she doesn’t want to call out. She needs the money and he knows it, but she’d never just outright _say _that. “I really don’t mind. Tomorrow’s Sunday, and we have off on Monday.” 

“Don’t you have homework?” 

“Nope. Already did it.” 

Heidi looks uncertain. “Well, if you’re absolutely positive…” 

“I am. Really.” 

“Thank you so much Connor. Gosh, I really owe you one, honey. If there’s anything I can do to make it up to you just let me know.” 

“No need,” Connor assures her. “I want to be here. I promise.” 

She has no idea just how much he actually means that. 


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Dear Ryan Murphy,
> 
> I still fucking hate you for what you put me through with Glee, but I must admit that I do owe you my sincerest thanks for the visual you provided me with in The Politician.
> 
> Sincerely,  
Me
> 
> (if u don’t know what I’m talking about just do yourself a favor and watch it ok u won’t regret it)
> 
> Also, oops, I overestimated myself (again) on how long I'm willing to make a chapter and wound up splitting this one, so you may notice that I changed the total amount of chapters from 5 to 6. Or you may not notice. But now you do.
> 
> Warnings: Hormonal Teenage Boy thoughts and a brief mention of vomit (But like, in two separate contexts. Kay?)

Connor decides to go over Evan’s house early the next day. Admittedly, he had been planning on doing that anyway, but he woke up and found himself wide awake around six am. His mind had immediately latched onto Evan, wondering how he’s doing, if he’s okay, and before Connor knew it he was walking out the door to his car. 

It’s so early when Connor pulls up that Heidi still hasn’t left for work, if her car in the driveway is anything to go by, so he mentally prepares himself a bit. Interacting with adults has never really been his strong suit, but Heidi is so kind and easy-going that he doesn’t get as nervous as he used to before he really knew her. 

But still - he can’t let his guard down completely. Sometimes Connor says and does some really impulsive, bad things, and he wants Heidi’s opinion of him to remain favorable. 

That is, assuming Evan had told him the truth and her opinion is, in fact, favorable. 

Connor knocks on the door, worrying that he’s either knocking too softly for Heidi to hear him or so loudly that he woke Evan up. He busies himself with his self-hatred for a minute or so before tentatively knocking again, and this time he hears a “Be right there!” from inside the house. 

When Heidi answers the door, she looks just as stressed as she always does, but of course she offers him an award-winning smile that Evan must have inherited. “Connor!” she says, her expression morphing into one of surprise. “I don’t need to leave for another hour! You should be at home resting, sweetie.” 

Connor shrugs as she steps aside to let him in. “I woke up early and couldn’t get back to sleep. I could leave and come back later if you want me to?” 

“Of course not, that’d be silly. But you should at least go lay down on the couch and try to take a nap at some point. I just gave Evan a dose of pain meds so he’ll probably be out for the next few hours. Do you want any breakfast?” 

“I’m okay for now,” Connor responds. “Sleep sounds good though.” It really does. He’s actually pretty tired and didn’t quite realize it until Heidi suggested a nap. “Are you sure Evan won’t wake up and need anything though?” 

“Nah, those meds really knock him out. I gave him both the antibiotics and pain meds around 6 am, so you’ll need to wake him up again at noon, at least for the antibiotics. I doubt he’ll sleep that long, though.” 

Connor nods, tries to stifle a yawn, and fails. “Okay, sounds good.” 

Heidi smiles at him. “Why don’t you go lay down now? I’ll grab you a pillow and blanket from upstairs.” 

Connor is sound asleep on the couch before Heidi even returns. 

He wakes up to the sound of the alarm he’d managed to set before he passed out, meaning it’s already 10 am. Connor knows he doesn’t technically need to be awake right now, but he wants to check on Evan just in case. 

Just as his gut had told him, Evan is awake and laying in bed with his nose in his phone. He’s curled in several layers of blankets and Connor isn’t sure if it’s just his paranoia or what, but he thinks he might look just a little bit pale. 

“Hey,” Connor greets, trying to keep his voice low and soft. “How are you feeling?” 

Evan jumps a little and looks up in surprise. “Oh, hey. Good. I’m good.” 

Connor feels his suspicions raise immediately. Considering that Evan had been in so much pain yesterday, along with the fact that he’s currently overdue for his next dose of pain meds, Connor doesn’t really believe that he’s feeling ‘good’. “You sure about that?” 

Evan looks at Connor like a deer caught in headlights and says nothing. God, this boy is so damn obvious sometimes. 

“Thought so,” Connor says, allowing himself to feel a tiny bit smug. “I’ll go get your meds.” 

It isn’t until Connor hands Evan the glass of water to swallow his pills with that he notices just how out of it Evan seems right now. He isn’t really talking, his responses are mostly just grunts and mumbles, and it’s weird because it’s not like he’s under the influence of narcotics or anything at the moment. 

Fuck. 

Maybe he’s just really sleepy. That’s the most likely scenario, right? He probably just needs a few more hours of sleep and then he’ll be back to normal. 

It’s fine. Everything’s fine. 

Either way, Connor can’t help it, he brings the back of his hand up to Evan’s forehead and his stomach fucking drops to his toes when he finds it to be a little too warm for comfort. 

Fuck, fuck, fucking_ fuck_. 

“You’re warm,” Connor tells Evan in a slightly shaky voice. He really hopes he isn’t overreacting. He doesn’t want to freak Evan out, but he knows fevers are bad, especially after someone had surgery. If Evan has a fever, then something is really, really wrong, right? 

“I’m warm?” 

“Yeah,” Connor answers as he tries to decide what to do. “Do you have a thermometer anywhere?” 

When Evan finally manages to direct Connor correctly, he comes back and unceremoniously sticks the thermometer right in Evan’s mouth. Luckily, Evan is still very sleepy and doesn’t put up a fight. 

While they wait for the final reading, Connor occupies himself with googling what a normal temperature would be. As soon as the thermometer beeps, he compares the two and he immediately feels sick to his stomach. 

99.7 degrees. According to the internet, Evan officially has a low grade fever, and Connor is officially panicking. 

“Fucking shit, Evan,” he can’t stop himself from saying. “You have a fever.” 

“I do?” he asks casually, like Connor just told him he has a crumb on his face or something. 

“Yeah,” he answers distractedly. He’s tempted to consult google again, but he knows that isn’t really the best idea since medical information websites tend to be dramatic and Connor really doesn’t need to get even more worked up than he already is. 

Short of rushing Evan to the nearest hospital, he does the next best thing. 

Heidi picks up on the fourth ring, thank fucking _god_. 

“Connor? Is everything alright?” she asks, sounding worried, and Connor feels like a monster but he’s on the verge of an anxiety attack and something might be really, really wrong and he doesn’t know what to do. 

“Uh,” he isn’t sure how to phrase this so he just spits it out in one breath. “Evan has a fever. It’s 99.7 degrees. That’s bad, right?” 

There’s a pause on the other line and then Connor hears Heidi hum. “Not necessarily. A low grade fever is actually pretty normal after surgery. Just keep checking it every so often and make sure it doesn’t go past 100, that’s all. 

Relief floods Connor’s entire body and he physically feels himself deflate a bit. “Oh, okay. Good. Should I give him some Advil or something?” 

“Nah, just leave it. Fevers can actually be a good thing! They’re the body’s natural way of fighting off infections. A lot of people try to bring them down right away, but that isn’t always the best idea.” 

Connor finds himself nodding and feeling about ten times better. “Okay, thanks Ms. Hansen.” He stills calls her that. He’ll probably always call her that. 

“Of course, hon. If you need anything else just let me know.” 

Connor hangs up and turns his attention back to Evan. “Okay, nothing to worry about yet apparently. I’m just gonna keep checking your temp throughout the day to make sure it doesn’t go up, but we’re good for right now.” Connor isn’t actually sure if he’s trying to reassure himself or Evan. “You hungry?” 

Evan’s only response is a tiny, barely there shake of the head. 

Connor suppresses a sigh. He expected that. “Okay, but you just took your meds and you really should have some food with those. Maybe applesauce?” 

“Ugh, no,” Evan groans for what seems like the tenth time today. 

“Come on, Ev. You could get sick if you don’t. Please?” 

No response. 

“Alright, well. Unfortunately this isn’t really up for debate so. I’ll be right back.” 

Connor retrieves the applesauce and returns to Evan’s room, only to find him asleep again already. He wars with himself for a few moments before ultimately deciding that making sure the medication stays down is more important than Evan’s sleep at the moment, so gently, gently, he rests a hand on Evan’s shoulder and gives him a little shake. 

He doesn’t rouse immediately and Connor almost gets nervous again, but after the shaking of his shoulder gets a bit more frantic Evan eventually opens his eyes. “Huh?” he asks in that low tone his voice only takes on when he’s sleepy. “What?” 

“Food,” Connor reminds him. “You gotta sit up.” 

Evan makes no motion to move or even acknowledge that he registered what Connor said. He just lays there, blinking slowly and looking totally lost and it would be cute if it weren’t slightly concerning. 

“Ev?” he tries. “You with me?” 

Evan does grunt a little bit in reply, but he still hasn’t attempted sitting up and Connor doesn’t want to rush him but he also kind of has to because every second Evan doesn’t eat is another second his stomach could revolt on him. “Come on, let’s get you sitting up, ‘kay?” 

Connor just receives a nod this time. Evan struggles to sit up and Connor wants to help, but he also doesn’t want to embarrass him, so he settles on adjusting the pillows when Evan finally moves into a sitting position. 

He takes the opportunity to give Evan a once-over, but he’s not really satisfied with what he sees. Evan is pale. His skin is clammy, his cheeks are bright red, his eyes are unfocused, and he just… don’t look well. 

Connor wants to chalk it up to paranoia again, wants to convince himself that everything is fine and that he’s being overly cautious, but. There’s this feeling in his gut that he just can’t shake. A feeling that something is_ wrong_. 

Well, he’ll have to ruminate on it later. Right now, he needs to focus on the task at hand, which is already proving difficult since Evan is clearly falling asleep sitting up. 

“Hey,” Connor calls, reaching out and tapping his arm. “I need you to stay awake. Just for a few minutes, okay? If you eat all of this applesauce, I promise I’ll leave you alone and let you go back to sleep.” 

“Fine,” Evan says, reaching out for the spoon and applesauce that Connor offers. 

Despite the fact that he’s obviously a bit weak and definitely still half asleep, Evan manages to eat most of the applesauce before placing the cup on his bedside table and laying back down. Satisfied, Connor grabs the trash and stands. “Okay, get some sleep. I gotta wake you back up again in about two hours for your antibiotics, though. Okay?” 

Evan is already sound asleep. 

Two hours later, Connor enters Evan’s room supplied with soup and antibiotics and can tell right away that something is off. 

Sure enough, a quick glance at Evan’s sleeping form reveals that he isn’t resting peacefully. His eyebrows are furrowed and his body keeps twitching and it’s pretty obvious that he’s in the middle of what is most likely a very unpleasant dream. 

Well, at least Connor doesn’t have to feel too guilty about waking him up now. 

Connor sets the bowl and bottle of pills on Evan’s bedside table before carefully sitting down on the bed next to him. Luckily, Evan is already facing Connor, so he leans down just enough so that when Evan opens his eyes, Connor will be the first thing he sees. 

Applying the same method as the one he used earlier, Connor wakes Evan who predictably opens his eyes with a start. In fact, he bolts upright, and Connor has to grab both of his shoulders to get him to focus. 

“Hey, hey,” Connor soothes once Evan’s wild eyes finally land on him. “You were having a nightmare, but you’re awake now and everything’s fine, okay?” 

Evan relaxes a little and Connor takes a moment to study his face. He’s still pale and is sweating so much that it’s actually starting to form little droplets on his forehead. Connor knows Evan sweats a lot; it’s one of his biggest insecurities and he complains about it all the time, but he doesn’t ever sweat like this. Not when the only physical activity he was doing was sleeping and wow okay brain, now is _not _the time to think about whether Evan would sweat like this during any other physical activities. 

Connor shakes his head. He has to get this soup and these antibiotics into Evan before going on a worry-spiral again. 

“Alright, so it’s time for your antibiotics. I brought some soup too and I need you to eat at least half of it, okay?” 

Evan rubs at his face and sways a little. “I…” he trails off and goes to lay back down, but Connor grabs his arm before he can. 

“Not yet, Ev. Soup and pills first, then you can go right back to sleep.” 

Evan is quiet and it seems like he isn’t going to respond, so Connor retrieves a pill from the bottle and hands it over with the glass of water from earlier. 

“I can’t,” Evan mumbles after staring at the pills in his hand like they’re holding the secrets of the universe. 

Connor bites his lip. “Can’t what?” 

“Eat. Or take this… I just wanna sleep.” 

“I know Ev, but you don’t have a choice. You need the pills so you don’t get an infection, and you need the food so you don’t barf them right back up. Double-edged sword, sorry.” 

Evan just shakes his head again with a soft “No.” 

Connor sighs. “Please?” 

Again, Evan shakes his head, but this time he closes his eyes. When he opens them again they’re filled with tears. “It fucking _hurts_.” 

That catches Connor off guard. Evan just took his pain meds about two hours ago, so the effects should still be in full swing. He really shouldn’t be in pain like this, or at least not so much that he’s back to crying because of it. “I’m sorry you’re in pain, Ev. But you really need to take this pill. Can you do it? For me?” 

Evan actually shoots Connor what seems to be an attempt at a dirty look, but either way he takes the pill from Connor’s hand and slowly, carefully, washes it down with his water before abruptly laying back down and pulling the covers over his head. 

“Oh no you don’t,” Connor says, tugging on the blanket and trying to pry it from Evan’s surprisingly sturdy grip. “You have to eat and I’m not leaving this room until you do.” There isn’t much he wouldn’t do for Evan, but he’d really rather not spend his afternoon cleaning up puke if he can avoid it. 

“That’s fine,” he hears Evan say from under the blankets. 

“Actually, it’s not.” God, if this were anyone else, Connor would probably either be screaming or storming off by now. But this is Evan, and Connor has learned that he apparently has a whole well of patience inside of him that’s reserved specifically for Evan and only for him. “No sleep until you food.” 

The attempt at getting Evan to laugh at his dumb word choice fails, which is also strange. Evan usually at least _humors_ Connor when he doesn’t find his jokes particularly funny, but he didn’t even crack a smile at that one. 

Fuck. Connor can’t deny it anymore. 

Something is going on. 

Something... not good. 

“I’ll be right back,” Connor tells the lump of blankets on the bed. He fishes his phone from his pocket and tells Siri to call Heidi because his hands are shaking so badly and he can’t be fucked to fumble around with it right now. 

He steps out of the room and listens to the phone ring. 

And ring. And ring. 

Eventually, it goes to voicemail. 

So Connor calls her again. 

And again. 

She isn’t answering. 

_Fuck._

Connor renters the room. He knows what he has to do now. He knows he has to take Evan’s temperature to see if his fever went up, but he almost doesn’t want to do it because he doesn’t want to know. He’s too scared of the confirmation that Evan is sick, that Evan isn’t okay. It’s a terrifying thought but he doesn’t have a choice. He has to do it. 

So he does. He takes Evan’s temperature while Evan himself falls back asleep, and when the thermometer finally beeps and Connor reads the result, he wonders if he should remove himself from the room because he’s probably going to have a panic attack and he doesn’t want Evan to see it. 

102 degrees. So an actual, full-fledged fever, then. 

Definitely not good. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> dRaMa


	5. Chapter 5

Connor allows himself one full minute of panic before finally deciding that he needs help. 

He can’t call his parents because they’ll just find a way to make this about Connor, about him not being responsible enough or something like that, and Connor already fucking knows this is probably his fault so he really doesn’t need that reminder right now. 

The only other person he can think of is Zoe. 

He’s still so god damned panicked that he can’t even bring himself to wait for her to respond to a text right now, so he winds up just calling her, which he knows is going to either freak her out or make her angry but he needs to talk to her _now_ so he doesn’t really care. 

“Why the fuck are you calling me?” she answers and okay, he expected that, but her attitude is probably going to irritate him to his core for the rest of their lives. 

He gives himself a second to bite back his retort before speaking. 

“I think I need your help,” Connor tells her feebly. He honestly hates that he has to admit that, but it’s the truth and he’s fucking desperate right now. 

“What’s going on?” Zoe asks, her tone having lost its edge and melting into something like concern. 

“So you know how Evan got his wisdom teeth out? Well, I’m over his house right now and he has a fever. Like, he had one earlier but I was able to get ahold of his mom and she said it was fine as long as it doesn’t go up, but it _did_ and now she’s not answering her phone and I don’t know what the fuck to do. He seems so sick and out of it and I’m really… I just. I don’t know what to do.” 

There’s a sort of protracted pause and Connor manages to keep his mouth shut despite the adrenaline rushing through his system, but it really isn’t easy. 

“Is he okay?” is the extremely helpful response she comes up with. 

“I don’t fucking know! That’s why I’m calling you!” Shit, he’s yelling into the phone now and he knows right then and there that this conversation is just going to end up how every conversation seems to go between the two of them. 

“You’re such a fucking dick, Connor. Do you want my help or not?” Her voice is raised too, but she doesn’t sound particularly angry. He figures it might have something to do with the fact that this is about Evan; the two of them have become pretty good friends in the months since Connor and Evan started hanging out and she clearly cares about him, so he thinks that’s probably helping in some capacity. 

Connor sighs, but doesn’t answer her question because he’s already admitted he needs her help once during this conversation and he sure as hell isn’t going to do it again. 

“Alright, well,” Zoe continues. “Obviously I’m not a doctor or whatever, but I think he’ll be fine until his mom gets home. What was his temp the last time you took it?” 

“102? That’s bad, right?” 

“I mean, it’s not great? He probably just has an infection or something. I wouldn’t worry about taking him to the hospital unless it goes above like, 104? I think that’s what they say.” 

“Yeah, but... If he has an infection that means I wasn’t taking care of him well enough. I must have done something wrong. I fucked up, Zoe, I really fucked up.” 

Zoe actually kind of laughs at that. “No you didn’t. I mean, I’m not there but I’m pretty sure you’re not, like, rubbing dirt in his mouth or anything.” 

“This is serious Zoe,” he hears himself growl. 

“Look, one of the seniors in jazz band had her wisdom teeth out last year and she got an infection, too. She was pissed because she followed all of her care instructions to a T. Sometimes shit just happens.” 

Connor feels his shoulders relax a little, a bit of the tension leaving his body when he realizes that Zoe isn’t freaking out as well. Maybe he really did overreact a bit. “Alright. But like, you’re sure he’ll be okay until tonight?” 

Zoe sighs dramatically, but when she answers him her voice is softer. “I’m not a doctor or psychic Connor, I have no fucking clue. But it’s extremely likely that he’ll be fine.” 

“I hope so.” 

There’s another long, awkward pause, until, “You really care about him, huh?” 

Connor feels his whole face heat up immediately, heart pounding because fuck _she knows she knows she knows_. “Of course I do. He’s my friend.” 

“Mhmm, sure, whatever. I gotta go.” 

“Uh, okay. Thanks, I guess.” 

She hangs up and Connor stares at his phone for a minute, trying to get his heart to stop racing because Zoe just implied that he likes Evan which he does, but she shouldn’t know that. If she knew that, then she’d tell their friends, who would tell Evan, who would probably get so freaked out and disgusted that he’d never talk to Connor again and that’s just. No. That can’t happen. 

He really needs to get better at hiding his feelings, damnit. 

Connor returns to Evan’s room in somewhat of a daze, his mind not really focusing until he sits on the bed and notices with alarm that not only is Evan awake, but now he’s back to crying again. 

“Hey,” Connor says automatically, his hand reaching out to land on Evan’s shoulder. “What’s wrong?” 

Evan doesn’t really respond, he just kind of shakes his head a little and buries his face further into the pillow. 

Connor doesn’t give up though. “Are you in pain? Just shake your head ‘yes’ or ‘no’ if it’s too hard to talk.” 

Predictably, Evan nods his head ‘yes.’ 

Connor glances at the time. Evan isn’t due for more pain meds until a little under two hours from now, and that’s definitely not okay because he can’t watch Evan suffer like this for that long, he just can’t. 

Maybe a distraction will help. 

“Do you wanna watch a movie or something? I could get your laptop and you could watch it right here in bed.” 

Evan turns toward Connor and takes a shaky little inhale that lies somewhere between a gasp and a sob. “I just, it hurts so fucking bad and I _hate_ this. And,” he takes another breath and leans his head up to rub at his eyes, like he’s trying to get the tears to stop. “I’m so pissed off at my mom.” 

That one kind of throws Connor off for a second. He’s about to ask Evan to elaborate before he remembers that it’s probably hard for him to talk in anything more than short, clipped sentences right now. 

Connor knows Evan well enough to fill in the blanks, though. 

“You’re mad because she’s not here?” 

“Yeah, it’s just. It’s not that I don’t appreciate you being here because I really do, it’s just...” 

Connor understands. “I get it.” 

“She said she was going to take me to that appointment. She always _says_ things and then either forgets or completely changes her mind. I never come _first_.” 

God, Evan needs a hug so badly right now and Connor wishes he could just cuddle up behind him, wrap his arms around him and hold him tightly until all of his pain goes away. 

But he can’t, and he probably never will, so he settles. 

Connor gently runs the hand that’s still on Evan’s shoulder up and down along his arm in what he hopes is a soothing gesture. “I know, Ev. I know. That isn’t fair to you at all.” 

Logically, Connor knows Evan’s belief that he doesn’t come first in his mom’s life is dead wrong. Pretty much everything Heidi does is for Evan, but Connor knows that telling him this won’t help, because then he’ll start the “I’m such a burden” spiral and that’s the last thing Evan needs right now. 

Plus, he has a high fever and isn’t really thinking clearly, so Connor doesn’t bother trying to reason with him. He just keeps rubbing Evan’s arm, offering little ‘_I know_’s and ‘_It’s okay’_s until he finally settles down and stops crying. 

Connor remembers the soup that’s probably gone cold by now. Evan seems at least a little bit more lucid than he did before, so maybe he’ll be willing to eat a few bites? Worth a try. 

It turns into a whole ordeal; Connor asks Evan if he can leave the room to go reheat the soup and he winds up crying all over again, so by the time Connor finally calms him back down it’s time for more pain meds which means that Evan _has _to eat, he doesn’t have a choice, but of course he fights Connor the whole way. 

Apparently the promise of more pain meds had been a good enough motivator though, because Connor manages to get Evan to eat a least a few spoonfuls of soup and drink about half a glass of water. It’s not ideal, but it’s good enough for now. 

“Okay,” Connor says once Evan’s tucked himself back into bed. “Should I leave and let you sleep some more?” 

“Noo, stay,” Evan whines. His words are a bit slurred, which clues Connor in that the pain meds are probably starting to kick in. Thank god. 

“Please?” Evan tries again. 

Connor could never deny a face like that. “Uh, okay,” he says awkwardly. “I can sit at your desk until you fall asleep?” 

“No, m’not tired. Can we watch a movie?” 

“Sure,” Connor answers, trying to hide his amused smile because Evan is clearly high again and it’s ridiculously endearing. “Do you think you can make it down the steps?” 

“Just get my laptop, we’ll watch it here.” 

Connor feels the bottom of his stomach drop out. 

That’s… Evan wants them to lay in bed together and watch a movie. Evan has a twin bed. That means there would be like… two inches of space between the two of them, if that much. They’ve never been that close before, they’ve never had a reason to be. 

Fuck. 

“Okay,” Connor says despite his trepidation because of course he’s going to agree to that. He would agree to do pretty much anything Evan asked for right now, but. Yeah. 

He feels himself start to shake, but chooses to ignore it and instead heads to Evan’s desk to grab his laptop. On his way back, he eyes Evan warily, but is pleasantly surprised to find he actually looks sort of content right now. He’s wrapped up in his blankets with a tiny smile on his face; no more tears, no more existential crises about his place in his mother’s life or the world in general. He seems fine. 

Sometimes drugs really can be a wonderful, wonderful thing. 

“Okay,” Connor says after he’s managed to get under the covers next to Evan without his head exploding. He’s trying extremely hard not to move too much because the last thing he needs is to accidentally brush against Evan or something and make things awkward. “Netflix?” 

“Yeah,” Evan agrees, pushing himself up to open the laptop that Connor had just handed him. It’s password protected, and Connor watches in amusement as Evan tries and fails about four different times to type it in correctly. 

Eventually, (and maybe with a bit of help) Evan manages to pull up Netflix and the two of them agree on a random movie they’ve never heard of before. Connor isn’t really focused on the plot, especially not when he suddenly feels Evan’s cheek settle against his shoulder. He freezes, doing his best to look down without moving, and finds that Evan has fallen asleep on him. Literally. 

Connor’s heart is beating out of his chest and shoulder feels like it’s on fire at their point of contact, but he’ll be damned if he’s going to make even the slightest bit of movement until Evan decides he wants to wake up again. His reasoning is not entirely selfish, though; Evan looks content, and it’s such a contrast to how he’d been an hour ago that Connor would stay like this forever if he knew it would keep Evan safe and comfortable and happy. 

It’s definitely not the worst place to be in the world, either. 

So they stay like that. For a long time. 

Eventually, Connor adjusts to the fact that he has his crush asleep on his shoulder and relaxes a little. He even begins to enjoy the plot of whatever movie they put on, that is until Evan shifts a bit in his sleep and then literally _snuggles up _to him. That in and of itself would be distracting enough, but now he can feel just how too-warm Evan is and so he goes right back to worrying. 

“Mmm, Connor?” he hears, right before his anxious thoughts start to spiral out of control. 

“Yeah,” Connor responds, looking down to watch Evan blink sleepily with his cheek still pressed to Connor’s shoulder. “What’s up?” 

“You…” Evan trails off, brow furrowing like he’s confused. “You’re still here?” 

“Of course I am,” Connor confirms, confused, until his paranoia takes over. “Did you want me to leave?”  


“No,” Evan answers. “Stay.”  


“That’s the plan. At least until your mom gets home.” 

“I can’t believe you’re still here…” Evan muses, sounding more like he’s talking to himself than anyone else. Then, suddenly, he lifts his head up and looks Connor in the eye before poking him pointedly in the chest. “You’re great.” 

Connor’s heart flutters for a second before he forces himself to tamp it down. _Platonically. He means it platonically, Connor. _“Thanks. So are you.” 

“No, I mean… really. You’re the best. You really are the best person in my whole life.” Evan nods to himself before laying back down, burying his face into Connor’s neck and this time it’s _on purpose._ “Thank you for taking care of me,” he says so softly that Connor might not have even heard it if the words weren’t practically being spoken into his skin. 

“Anytime,” Connor tells him and he really, truly means it. 

“You don’t get it, though. You probably never will,” Evan slurs. He’s clearly falling back asleep, but… what? 

“I don’t get _what_?” Connor asks, not really liking the implications of that statement, but he stops himself from reacting until Evan explains. 

He doesn’t get a response right away, and Connor thinks that Evan must have drifted off until he hears him mumble under his breath, “I just love you, like… so much.” 

Okay, what the _fuck_? 

Connor feels his whole body tense and yet somehow, Evan doesn’t move and it takes Connor a second or two to realize he's fallen asleep again. _Perfect fucking timing._

“You know you can’t just say something like that and then pass out, Evan. What the actual fuck,” he says outloud since he knows the words will fall only on deaf ears. 

There are a whirlwind of thoughts and emotions swirling around inside of Connor’s head right now, and he wants to indulge the ones that are telling him that Evan just made a confession, that he not only likes Connor back but actually loves him back, but he knows better. It’s extremely unlikely that any of that is true. 

Evan was sick with a fever, sleepy, and high on pain medication when he said what he said. There’s no way in hell that he was trying to tell Connor that he loves him romantically. It’s just too far-fetched. 

Besides, why would someone like Evan love someone like Connor? Connor is unlovable and that fact alone is enough to convince him that Evan’s “confession” was nothing more than a platonic declaration of friendship. 

He can’t help but be a little disappointed, but he knows he should be used to it by now. This is just how his life goes. 

Evan continues to sleep soundly and doesn’t stir again until they hear the front door open. Connor’s whole body floods with relief; sure, on the one hand he’s sad that Heidi is home because it means he has to leave Evan now, but on the other hand he’s just happy that an actual, real-life responsible adult is here to take control of the situation before he can screw things up even worse. 

He scoots away from Evan. Just a little. Just so they're no longer obviously cuddling. 

“Hi boys,” she greets softly when she makes it into Evan's room, her eyes immediately landing on Evan. “Looks like someone just woke up. How are you feeling, hon?” 

“Fine,” Evan tells her and Connor can’t help himself, he has to interject. 

“He has a fever,” he hears himself spit out. “Like, a high one. It went up since we talked on the phone. It was 102 when I took it a few hours ago.” 

In retrospect, Connor realizes he probably should have taken Evan’s temperature a few more times since then. Well, he can just tack that one on to his already extensive list of failures. Great. 

Heidi’s expression grows concerned and she turns to Evan. “I’m going to ask you again Evan, and I want the truth this time. How are you feeling?” 

Evan visibly shrinks back, but nevertheless complies. “Not so great, really.” 

“Thought so. How’s your pain?” 

A pause, then, “Maybe like an 8?” 

Heidi addresses Connor. “When was the last time he took a dose of pain meds?” 

Connor checks his phone. “About three hours ago.” 

Heidi nods thoughtfully. “Okay, I’m just gonna go grab the thermometer. Feel free to go home now if you’d like, honey. I’ll take it from here.” 

And, well. 

Connor knows Evan is in good hands now, knows that there aren’t very many people in the world that are better at taking care of Evan than his mom, but... still. 

Connor sits up but, makes to get out of the bed and leave but. 

He feels rooted to his spot. 

He doesn’t want to leave yet. 

He knows he should, but he _can’t_. 

Heidi looks a little surprised to see Connor still sitting there when she reenters the room, but she doesn’t say a word and instead busies herself with taking Evan’s temperature. She makes polite small talk with Connor like she always does while she waits for it to beep. Heidi seems almost cheerful, relaxed. But then she checks the reading on the thermometer and her expression changes. 

“Okay Evan, thank goodness I have off tomorrow because we’re definitely going to need to take you back to the doctor’s. Your temperature is still pretty high.” 

“How high?” Connor asks almost as soon as she’s done talking. 

“It’s still at 102.” She looks over at Connor and offers him a small smile. “Don’t worry, hon. He probably just has a little infection and needs some stronger antibiotics. He’ll be just fine.” 

Connor feels the weight of the world lift off his shoulders. If there’s anyone he trusts when it comes to medical advice, it’s Heidi Hansen. If she says Evan is going to be fine, then Evan is probably going to be fine. 

“I thought it was something I did,” Connor finds himself confiding. 

“Oh no, absolutely not. You’re doing a great job of taking care of him. Evan told me so himself, right Ev?” 

They both turn their attention back to Evan, only to find him asleep sitting up. 

Heidi laughs a bit. “Well, I’m sure he’d be agreeing with me if he were conscious. He said you’ve basically been waiting on him hand and foot, and that you stick to his medication schedule like clockwork. Sometimes these things just happen. Bodies are weird.” 

Connor finds himself nodding. “So you’re sure he’s going to be okay?” 

“Unless something extremely rare or totally unrelated is happening then yes, I’m sure.” 

Thank_ god_. Connor might actually sleep decently tonight after all. “Okay, good.” 

“You should go home and get some rest, sweetie. You look like you need it.” 

She’s not wrong. Connor didn’t realize just how exhausted he was until after she pointed it out. “Okay. You said you have off tomorrow though, right?” 

“That’s right. That’ll give you plenty of time to catch up on some sleep.” 

That does sound really nice. 

Heidi smiles and walks him to the door after he says goodbye to Evan. “Goodnight, Connor. And thank you so much for all of your help this weekend. Evan is really lucky to have a friend like you.” 

The statement was intended to be positive of course, but the reminder that Connor will never be anything more than a friend to Evan is still pretty painful. “Thanks, Ms. Hansen. Have a great night.” 

“You too, honey.” 

Connor doesn’t sleep as well as he had hoped that night. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Random and unrelated: I just realized that on the 29th of this month I'll have been on ao3 for 5 years. And what do I have to show for it? Not much my dudes


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welp, I’m an asshole and wound up having to split the chapter again. There will be seven in total, instead of the predicted six. To be fair though, the diner scene wasn’t in my original outline but I really wanted to write it in bc idk it just felt necessary. I haven’t updated in a while and this is about how long my chapters have been anyway, plus I don’t want to rush anything through so I decided to just post what I have and then focus on giving you all the ending you deserve :)
> 
> Also - this is kinda the first time I’m writing a prolonged Murphy sibling conversation. I don’t have siblings, but if I did, this is probably how I would talk to them. Hopefully I pulled it off?

Connor has never been more thankful for a professional development day in his life. 

Granted, he skips school enough that he basically has a day off every other week anyway, (or more depending on Cynthia’s mood) but today, he really needed the extra sleep, and not having to instigate a whole house-wide argument in order to get it was a welcome change. 

He wakes up and checks the time, stomach immediately dropping when he sees that it’s already 11am. 

Fuck. He could have sworn he set his alarm for 9am the night before, although it’s always possible he either slept right through it or turned it off in his sleep. Wouldn’t be the first, second, or even twentieth time. Connor likes his sleep, okay? 

Still, he feels guilty as hell that he hasn’t tried to contact Evan in some way yet. He knows Heidi has off today, knows she’s home and taking what is probably excellent care of her son, but the last thing Connor wants is for Evan to think he’d been forgotten about. 

Or worse, Evan could spiral and start to think that he stopped caring completely since he’s technically no longer Connor’s responsibility anymore. 

Without any further hesitation, Connor fumbles around with his phone until he manages to call Evan, but there’s no answer and it eventually goes to voicemail. 

He does the next best thing. 

“Hello?” Heidi answers on the second ring. 

Admittedly a little shaken up by Evan’s lack of response, Connor sighs in relief that she answered in what sounds like a chipper, My-Son-Is-Fine kind of way. “Hi, Ms. Hansen. It’s Connor.” 

“Oh hi, honey. I’m sorry I didn’t call you with an update, I just figured you’d want to sleep in a little.” 

Connor is so fucking thankful she knows why he’s calling right away. “I did, thanks.” 

A pause, and he can’t hold it back anymore. “How’s Evan doing?” 

“Just fine,” she answers right away. “I took him back to his surgeon first thing this morning and it turns out he did have a little infection, but they prescribed him some stronger antibiotics and those should clear it right up.” 

Connor’s whole body sags with relief. “So he’s feeling better?” 

“Not quite yet. He’s only taken one dose of the stronger prescription so far, but he should be feeling much better by tomorrow. They also gave him some stronger pain meds which knocked him right out so he’s been sound asleep ever since we got home.” 

“Okay, good. I guess you don’t need me to come over then?” 

“Nah, I’ve got it covered for now. He’s probably just going to sleep for most of today anyway. You should stay home and get some sleep too, Connor. You looked exhausted last night.” 

It’s true. Connor had been exhausted, but… still. He would be content to literally just sit next to Evan while he slept all day because then at least he would be able to see with his own eyes that he is in fact okay. 

He knows better than to argue with Hedi Hansen though, so he keeps his mouth shut and tries to decide how to respond. 

She must sense the reason for his hesitation because then she adds, “You’re absolutely welcome to come see him tomorrow after school, though. After both of you get some much needed rest.” 

Connor smiles a little to himself, satisfied. “Okay, that sounds good. Thanks for the update. I’m glad he’s okay.” 

“Of course, hun. And thank you so much for all your help this weekend. You were a god-send. I don’t know what I would have done without you.” 

“Anytime,” Connor tells her honestly. “It was no problem at all.” 

“Go back to sleep, sweetie. You even _sound _tired.” 

Connor continues to be amazed by her extremely accurate motherly sixth-sense. “I will.” 

“Have a nice day, Connor. I’ll see you tomorrow.” 

“You, too. Bye Ms. Hansen.” 

Connor locks his phone and stares at the wall for a moment, processing. 

So Evan’s okay. He had a small infection but he was seen by a doctor and given the right medicine and he’s going to be fine. 

It’s just… such a relief. 

But. 

Connor knows he’s not going to feel better until he actually lays eyes on Evan, talks to him and gets a first-hand confirmation that he’s really okay. 

He can’t do that until tomorrow though, so the only option he has left is to just try not to think about it. 

Psh. Yeah, right. Connor not thinking about Evan? That’s about as likely as the moon landing being real. (Okay, that one might be real. He hasn’t decided yet.) 

He’s about to go back to bed when his stomach growls and he realizes that he went all day yesterday without having an actual meal. Sure, he picked at Evan’s leftovers here and there, but there’s no way he ate enough food so he should probably go make up for that. 

Connor enters his kitchen and for some odd reason, he’s surprised to find Zoe sitting at the kitchen table, as if she doesn’t live there, as if they don’t go to the same school, as if he weren’t aware that they both have off today. 

They don’t acknowledge each other as Connor passes her and heads for the refrigerator, which is commonplace. He actually doesn’t expect her to speak to him at all, but then she surprises him again. 

“How’s Evan doing?” 

Connor doesn’t bother turning around from where he’s currently staring into their fridge, despite the fact that he knows for a fact they don’t have anything he’d actually consider edible. “He’s good. He had an infection but his mom took him back to his doctor this morning and he’s on stronger meds now.” 

“See? Told you you were overreacting.” 

Connor doesn’t really know what to say to that, but he sure as fuck isn’t going to let her get the last word in. He turns around to face her and says, “Shut up Zoe, okay? You weren’t there. He did seem really sick.” 

“You just can’t admit that I was right, can you?” 

The tiny bit of patience Connor had about five seconds ago is completely gone. “Oh my god just fuck off, Zoe!” 

But Zoe doesn’t retaliate like Connor expected. Instead, she just laughs a little, almost like she’s sharing some kind of inside joke with herself. 

“The fuck are you laughing at?” 

She doesn’t miss a beat. “You. You and Evan, really. When are you two gonna pull your heads out of your own asses and amit that you’re in love with each other?” 

Connor knows that his whole face heats up immediately and he feels his heart begin to race. How did she know that? She isn’t supposed to know that fuck fuck, is he really that obvious? 

“Evan would never like me like that,” he tells her because it’s the truth. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.” 

Her whole face lights up in that snarky, annoying as fuck way it does when she thinks she’s won an arguement. “You didn’t deny it! So you do like Evan!” 

Deny, Connor. Deny, deny, deny. “Of course I don’t. He’s just my friend.” 

“Sorry dude, but the blushing already gave you away.” 

Connor really wants to ask her how she knew that, is he really that obvious, do their other friends know, and about a thousand other questions but he can’t. He can’t ask any of that without admitting that he does like Evan. 

So he diverts. 

“I’m hungry as fuck and the only thing we have that even resembles food is a freezer-burnt cauliflour crust pizza. Which, ew. Nope.” 

“Wanna go get some real food?” 

That gives Connor pause. The two of them haven’t voluntarily hung out together in months, maybe years. He’s not sure he even remembers _how _to just casually hang out with Zoe, but. 

It doesn't sound like the worst thing in the world. 

“Sure, but only if I get to drive.” 

“Deal.” 

So they get in Connor’s car and drive to the dingey diner down the street that’s frequented mostly by the town’s elderly population, as well as teenagers looking for cheap food that isn’t McDonalds. Zoe says she always comes here with jazz band after their concerts, but Connor can’t remember the last time he set foot in it. 

Regardless, Connor still knows what he wants to order without even having to look at the menu, as does Zoe. The waitress takes their orders and then it’s just the two of them. Sitting there. Alone together for the first time in god knows how long. 

What the hell are they supposed to talk about? 

It seems Zoe already has that question figured out. 

“So, I’m actually asking here. When are you going to tell Evan you’re in love with him?” 

There must be a gene somewhere in the Murphy family that causes a predisposition for bluntness. 

To his surprise, Connor finds that his first instinct isn’t actually to deny it this time. If he’s been as obvious as Zoe says he’s been, then there’s no point in going around in circles and arguing with her. What can it really hurt at this point? 

“I’m not. And you’re taking that to your grave, by the way.” 

Zoe smirks. “So do Jared and Alana have to take it to their graves, too?” 

Connor feels a spark of anger. “You _told_ them?” 

“Didn’t have to. Jared was actually the one who brought it up first. We just agreed with him.” 

“I fucking _hate_ him.” 

“No you don’t. But back to the topic on hand: why won’t you tell Evan?” 

“Why would I? So I can get rejected and ruin our friendship? I told you, he doesn’t like me like that.” 

Zoe just rolls her eyes, takes a sip of her Diet Coke and says with a dramatic wave of her hand, “Hmm, this tea is cold.” 

“You ordered soda, asshole. And there’s ice in it.” 

She scoffs and rolls her eyes even harder, as if that were possible. “I _meant_ that that’s not true. He definitely likes you. Trust me.” 

Connor can’t help it - that peaks his interest. Not that he believes her or anything, but he definitely wants to hear what she has to say on the topic. “What makes you think that?” 

“You are so fucking oblivious. Get a stronger prescription for your contacts or something. You can’t even see what’s literally right in front of your face.” 

Connor just stares at her, his retaliating insult dissolving somewhere in his brain and leaving nothing but a blank space. 

“Look,” She says, folding her arms on the table and leaning in like she’s about to tell him a secret. “I hate to break it to you, but you and Evan were never ‘just friends’. Well, maybe for like a month or so when you first met and were all awkward and stuff. But now you’re basically in a relationship without the label and everyone agrees.” 

That flare of anger is back. “So you guys were talking shit behind my back?” 

Zoe doesn’t seem perturbed by the sudden sharpness of his words at all. “Not shit talking. We just don’t say anything to either of you because we know you’d deny it and surprise surprise, that’s exactly what you did.” 

“I didn’t deny it just now,” Connor reminds her weakly. 

“Yes, this is progress. Now you just have to tell _him_.” 

“And I told _you_, I’m not doing that. And you still haven’t given me any substantial evidence as to why you think he likes me back.” 

Zoe’s expression morphs into something slightly devious. “You asked for it.” 

She then spends the next five or so minutes regaling him with the appartmently numerous instances he and Evan have acted “like a newlywed couple on their honeymoon without the fucking.” Connor had to remind her that they don’t kiss or hold hands or do anything like that either, but predictably she ignores him. 

One thought stands out in Connor’s mind during her rant though: Evan’s words from the day before. 

_I just love you, like… so much._

“Oh, and that time he bought you a new set of graphite pencils for literally no reason other than you being in a funk and he wanted to get you a gift? Ugh, and the fact that you two know the exact day you became friends and literally celebrate it like an anniversary. And do you really want to get me started on your stupid date nights?” 

Well, at least Connor has a defense for that last one. “They’re not dates, Zoe. It just so happens that Saturday is the one night a week we both know we won’t be busy.” 

“Right, so date night. Anyway, moving on-” 

“I get it!” Connor cuts her off. “I fucking get it, okay? I mean, you still don’t have me convinced, but let’s just suppose for a second that he does like me back. Do you really think now would be the best time to tell him?” 

Zoe shrugs. “Life is short, man. No time like the present.” 

“He’s sick and in pain and recovering from an infection, Zoe.” Connor bites back the ‘_dumbass_’ he had been tempted to use as the punctuation to that sentence. 

“Fair enough. You said his mom told you you could come visit him after school tomorrow? 

“Yeah.” 

“See how he feels then. If he’s still out of it, definitely wait until he’s better. But if not? I will fucking pay you to tell him at this point because the little dance you two are doing is getting painful to watch.” 

“...How much would you pay me?” 

“_Connor_.” 

“Fine, fine. I will… consider it. I’ll consider telling him. You know, if the stars line up and mercury isn’t in retrograde or whatever.” 

“You hate astrology. You don’t even know what that means.” 

“So?” 

The waitress comes by with their food and they’re silent for a few minutes while they eat. 

For Connor’s part, he’s thinking. Hard. 

Because what if Zoe really is right? That would be… wow. Connor doesn’t even feel like he deserves that. Evan’s love. How could someone as beautiful and as smart and as amazing as Evan love someone like Connor? 

But then again... 

Evan’s words are still at the forefront of his mind. 

_I just love you, like… so much._

“He did… kind of say something weird. Last night. He was really out of it though. Like, I’m sure he just meant it platonically or whatever.” 

“What did he say?” 

“He said he... loves me?” 

Zoe’s expression goes blank and she stares at him for a moment before slamming her hands down on the table and standing up. “That’s it, I’m done. I can’t. You are literally so stupid, oh my god.” 

“Jesus, Zoe. Shut up and sit back down.” 

She sits, but now she has that shit-eating grin on her face that makes him want to scream. “Connor, come on! How are you not seeing this for what it is?” 

He takes a steadying breath. “You realize that the word ‘love’ has multiple definitions, don’t you? We’re friends. People can love their friends.” 

“Do ‘friends’ eyefuck their ‘friends’ from across the room over an innocent game of Ring of Fire? And don’t make me repeat that because I want the image banished from my mind immediately. Just needed to prove my point.” 

“What are you even talking about?!”  


“Uh, two weekends ago when we were playing that drinking game at Jared’s? Evan clearly had other things on the brain that were in no way related to cards and I told you not to make me repeat that.” 

“_Zoe!_” 

“I rest my case, Connor.” 

She has a point. 

And Connor… has run out of arguments. 

“I’m just…” He doesn’t want to admit it, but. “I’m scared. Scared that he’ll reject me and stop wanting to be my friend. I really care about him, Zoe. I can’t lose him.” 

Zoe manages to meet his eye and her expression turns soft as she offers him a small smile. “If he does… just. Tell me. I’ll be here.” 

It’s oddly comforting. 

He smiles back. 

“Okay, I will. And Zoe?” 

“Yeah?” 

“Thanks.” 

“Don’t mention it.” 


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi friends! Uh, long time no see? I'm so sorry I left you guys without the last chapter for so long! My life has been pretty crazy since I started this fic, ngl. And now on top of it all I'm going back to school and my first class started today which is why I knew I had to get this out asap before I'm swamped with schoolwork. It's a lot longer than all of my other chapters have been so hopefully that makes up for it? Anyways, enjoy!

It’s really, really hard for Connor to get out of bed the next day. 

First of all, he has to go to school after a three-day weekend, and no teenager in their right mind looks forward to that. 

But the main thing that’s keeping his head buried under the covers fifteen minutes after Cynthia had popped her head in to let him know he’s going to be late doesn’t have anything to do with school. 

It’s Evan, because of course it is. He can’t stop thinking and thinking and overthinking about Evan. 

Connor had slept pretty poorly. Inevitably, after his conversation with Zoe he spent the entire rest of his night up into the early hours of the morning analyzing every interaction he’s ever had with Evan in an attempt to decode them. To try and find things he’d maybe missed, even though they were apparently obvious to everyone else around them. 

Even after all of that thinking though, Connor can’t seem to find any solid proof. 

And that _terrifies_ him. 

But still, Zoe seemed _so _certain that it’s… kind of beginning to make him believe that maybe it’s possible. That maybe Evan really does have more than platonic feelings for him. That what he said the other day was in fact an accidental admission instead of just a casual display of friendly affection. 

_“I just love you, like… so much.”_

He’d been so sure Zoe was wrong. 

But even if she had been, she was right about one thing at least: hiding his feelings from Evan sucks. 

It sucks getting caught up every day thinking about the what-ifs. Daydreaming about what it would be like if Evan liked Connor the way Connor liked Evan. Desperately wanting so much more and knowing he could never have it. Looking at Evan and feeling his heart twist painfully with the knowledge he’ll never love Connor back. 

All of that is almost bearable, though. He’s learned to deal with it. 

But now he’s wondering, and the wondering is _worse_. 

It never seemed possible before. But now, after Zoe planted the seed in his head, he can’t help himself. 

Somewhere deep down… like, really deep down, Connor knows what he has to do. 

Larry has been screaming up the stairs for him to get out of bed for the better part of the last ten minutes. 

“Hey,” he hears Zoe say from his doorway in a tone that actually seems neutral. She doesn’t sound angry or annoyed with him like she always is when he’s about to make her late for school. “You good?” 

That throws Connor off so much that he actually pulls the covers from his face - just enough so she can see his eyes, and looks at her. 

“Not really.” 

She enters his room, which is another shock. Zoe hasn’t been inside his room in years, and he can’t remember the last time he even saw hers. The walls could be a completely different color right now and he would have no idea. 

“Is it Evan?” 

“Yeah,” he sighs, unable to find it within himself to lie. 

She walks over the side of his bed, stands in front of him, and instantly another one of her shit-eating grins appears. “Come on!” she says, voice suddenly loud and cheerful like she’s at a sporting event. “Let’s go! Today’s the day you’re telling your best friend you love him! _Fuck yeah!_” 

Connor actually finds himself wanting to laugh a little at how ridiculous she’s being, but he makes sure to keep his expression neutral. 

That is until she starts pulling the sheets the rest of the way away from his face. “Up and at ‘em! Or should I say, up and at _him_, right? Ha!” She laughs like she’s just told the funniest joke in comedy history. “Come on, dude. You can’t just roll out of bed like you do every other day. You gotta look nice, so get the fuck up right now!” 

“You’re so fucking annoying, oh my god Zoe. Get the fuck out of my room.” The words leave his mouth with zero heat behind them and he knows she can tell because she just starts grinning even wider. 

That’s when they practically start playing tug of war with the sheets and Zoe is a lot stronger than she looks, so she winds up pulling him almost all of the way out of bed. She has the advantage of leverage and it happens so fast that Connor actually loses his balance and almost falls off the side. 

Zoe sees her opportunity immediately. She gives a fast, hard tug, and that does the trick. Connor winds up on the floor beside his bed, tangled in a sea of blankets and bedsheets and he thinks he should be mad, thinks he should be wanting to yell and scream at her right now but he doesn’t. 

Because he’s not mad at all. 

He’s actually... amused. He’s _laughing_. 

He feels Zoe start to dig through the blanket mountain until she finds his wrist; she grabs it and then starts tugging on that too, and it’s so uncomfortable that it eventually forces Connor to sit upright. 

“Oh good, you’re up! I’m leaving in ten, so put on your fanciest hoodie and do something with that mop you call hair. Evan deserves to be wooed.” 

And just as fast as she appeared, she’s gone again. 

Connor sits on the floor of his room for a minute and finds himself feeling really, really grateful for his sister. 

\-- 

The school day passes slowly and way too fast all at the same time. 

It passes fast because every second brings Connor closer and closer to the moment Zoe drops him off at Evan’s house after school. 

Closer and closer to finally telling Evan he’s in love with him. 

He’s going to do it. He promised himself... but that doesn’t change the fact that he’s completely terrified. 

The day also passes slowly because above all else, Connor just really, really wants to see Evan. It’s been a whole day and a half and that’s way too long in Connor’s opinion. He’s pretty sure they haven’t gone this long without seeing each other - or at least texting - since the day they started talking all those months ago. 

It still seems like yesterday, somehow. 

But, despite Connor’s undecided preference, time moves forward. And before he knows it he’s sitting in the passenger seat of Zoe’s car where she’s been parked outside of Evan’s house for the past five minutes. 

He can’t get out of the car. 

“Just go for it, Connor. Don’t think about it too hard. Just tell him.” 

“That’s easy for _you _to say. I seriously have no idea how I’m going to explain this to him.” 

She scoffs, but her tone softens when she says, “You don’t have to explain yourself. All you have to do is tell him you like him as more than a friend. The rest is self-explanatory.” 

Once again, he hates that she has a point. 

He sighs. “I’m just… ugh.” He doesn’t want to admit it. 

“You’re nervous. I get it. Anyone would be.” 

Connor rolls his eyes and wonders when the fuck his sister gained the ability to read him like an open book. 

“Alright, enough procrastination. Alana’s expecting me at her house in like ten minutes so I gotta leave.” 

Connor barely hears her. 

“‘Kay,” he responds but doesn’t move. 

Suddenly Zoe is snapping her fingers in his ear. “Hey!” she says way too loudly, and that finally breaks him out of his trance. “Did you hear me dumbass? I have to leave so get out of my car and go get your boy! But remember, only if he’s feeling better. You want him to actually _remember _what you tell him.” 

Connor nods absently and Zoe starts her car, the roar of the engine startling him out of his thoughts again. She reaches over and unlocks his door, opens it, then starts promptly shoving at his arm. 

“Alright, alright I’m going! Fuck you!” He yells and shoves her back but they’re both laughing. 

Finally, he gets out of the car and he doesn’t turn around, not even when she rolls down her window after he’s closed the door and shouts after him, telling him not to get pregnant and other really stupid, immature things. 

He’s still laughing when he gets to the door. 

He knows Heidi is probably going to be the one to answer, which is good. Talking to Heidi will buy him some time, but a part of him knows that if he puts this off too long then he might not do it all. 

He’ll have to keep his conversation with her brief, although that can be hard sometimes because Heidi is always so interesting to talk to. He once showed up to their house unannounced after a fight with his parents which was dumb, he’d just assumed Evan would be there but he wasn’t, he’d been at therapy. Instead of turning Connor away though, Heidi had invited him to come in and wait with her until it was time to go pick Evan up. 

She’d been able to tell something was wrong with him right away. She let him rant about the fight he’d had with family, never interrupting or admonishing him. Just... listening. 

Eventually, they moved on to other topics and the two of them wound up talking for so long that they were almost late to pick up Evan from therapy. 

When they finally did arrive, Evan had been predictably surprised to find Connor in the passenger seat of his mom’s car, but he smiled the kind of Evan-smile that was genuine. Really genuine. The kind that made the dimples in his cheeks stand out. The kind that made his blue eyes shine. 

After all of that, Connor had completely forgotten what he and his parents even fought about. 

Heidi is the best. 

Connor realizes he’s been standing in the doorway of the Hansen household without knocking for way too long, like the weird fucking creeper he is. Shit. 

He takes a deep breath. In through his nose, out through his mouth. He knocks. 

It takes a few moments, but eventually he hears footsteps and the door is opening to reveal Heidi, without nursing scrubs on. Has he ever seen her without scrubs? He’s pretty sure he hasn’t. 

“Hi honey!” She says immediately. “Come on in.” 

He follows her inside and listens to her talk distractedly. “You’re in time. Evan just finished eating and I told him you were thinking of stopping by so he’s wide awake and waiting for you.” 

“How is he?” Of course Connor can’t help but ask. 

He realizes she’s lead him to the bottom of the steps, but she stops and turns to answer his question. “He’s feeling much, much better. Thanks to you.” She smiles at him like he’s hung the moon. 

Connor feels his face heat a little. “I mean, I didn’t really do much. He just needed antibiotics, right?” 

“If there’s one thing I’ve learned from my years as a nurse's aide, it’s that sometimes medicine isn’t always the best medicine.” 

He really doesn’t know what to say to that. 

“Anyway, I’m sure you don’t want to be stuck down here talking to boring old me. You can head up in a second, I promise. But first I just wanted to thank you, Connor.” Her smile widens and she reaches up to pat his back. “You’ve helped Evan and I out so much in the past few days. He’s really lucky to have you. We both are.” 

Okay, that one actually causes Connor to tear up a little. He tries to hide it, tries to blink away the burning behind his eyes but he knows he’s not successful because the pats on his back have turned into a slow, motherly rubbing of his shoulder. 

Blessedly, Heidi does not mention his emotional reaction. Just continues smiling in this all-knowing way that convinces Connor she knows exactly what’s on his mind. 

It takes him a moment to realize he hasn’t responded yet. 

“I, uh, yeah, of course. Anytime.” 

Two more steady pats and she’s moving away from the bottom of the steps. “Well, go on. Just yell down if you boys need anything.” 

This is it. 

Connor ascends the steps and tries to remember Zoe’s advice; don’t think about it, just do it. Just tell him. It’s as simple as that. 

Evan’s door is open so Connor softly knocks on the frame, not wanting to startle him because he knows he’s jumpy. 

As soon as Connor lays eyes on Evan he can tell he’s feeling better. He’s sitting up in bed and looking more alert than he had been in days. The sickly pallor to his skin is gone, replaced with a light dusting of pink across his cheeks, right where his freckles are. When he looks up at the sound of Connor’s knocking, his eyes are bright and clear, the bags underneath not yet completely gone but definitely significantly lessened. 

When Evan smiles, it lights up the whole room. 

But that never really changes. 

“Hey!” Evan greets. “My mom told me you were coming. I tried texting but I guess you didn’t get it? You totally didn’t have to waste your time today, I’m feeling a lot better.” 

Connor smiles despite his nerves and walks over to sit on the edge of Evan’s bed. “I know, she told me. I just wanted to check in and see how you’re doing for myself.” 

Just then, a sinking thought occurs to him. He continues, “I mean, that is, if you want me here? I could fuck off and leave you alone if you want. I’m sure you’re sick of me by now.” 

“No, no!” Evan quickly reaches for Connor’s wrist. “That’s not what I meant, ugh, I’m sorry! I’m the worst. I just feel bad because you wasted almost all of your three-day weekend taking care of me and I’m sure that was probably really stressful, especially because I had to go and get an infection. I’m sorry about that, by the way. That was way too much to deal with and not what you signed up for at all. Plus, I know I’m not always the best patient. My mom says I’m really cranky when I’m sick and to be honest I don’t remember much from the past few days but I do know I gave you a hard time and I’m really, really sorry about that.” 

Normally Connor would cut Evan off in the middle of one of these self-deprecating rants, but today he lets him finish. Mostly because he’s been enjoying the fact that Evan seems so much more like himself now. It’s relieving. 

But also because he’s still procrastinating. Big time. 

“First of all,” Connor says before Evan can panic over his lack of response. “You have nothing to be sorry for. You can’t help it that you got sick, and yeah, okay - you were admittedly a little cranky, but that’s completely understandable. I promise I’m not mad at you over it.” 

Connor watches Evan visibly deflate as he sighs in relief. 

“Second of all, I didn’t waste my weekend. I…” 

_I love spending time with you._

_It doesn’t matter if you’re sick, healthy, happy, irritable. _

_You’re still Evan, and you’re everything to me._

“I didn’t mind it at all. You basically just slept the whole time anyways.” 

Evan looks appeased. “Oh, okay. Good.” 

Connor looks down and picks at a loose thread on Evan’s comforter. 

Now is his chance. He can feel it. 

Zoe’s advice is replaying in his ear. _“Just go for it, Connor. Don’t think about it too hard. Just tell him.”_

Fuck it. 

“Wait, no, that’s not completely true. Actually, I…” 

Evan looks up at him in curiosity. 

Connor swallows dryly, his heart hammering in his chest. “I didn’t mind helping you out this weekend because I got to spend the whole weekend with you. I just… I really love spending time with _you_.” 

Evan nods a little, seeming unfazed. Clearly he’s not reading between the lines. 

Good lord. For as much overthinking as this kid does, he really can be so oblivious sometimes. 

“No, I didn’t mean- I didn’t mean it… like that.” _Just fucking say it Connor._

Evan looks so genuinely confused now. “Huh?” 

Connor groans in frustration and scrubs at his face, giving himself a moment to think before slowly saying, “I didn’t mean it… platonically.” God, he feels like he’s going to have a heart attack. 

Evan doesn’t say anything, just stares at Connor, his expression blank. 

The brief moment of silence feels like an eternity to Connor. He goes back to picking at Evan’s blanket, refusing to look up. He can’t say anything else. 

“So…” Evan finally says. “If you didn’t mean it platonically… then how did you mean it?” 

“Come on, Evan.” 

“I think I just. I think I just need to hear it outloud?” 

That throws Connor off, but he complies nonetheless and the words pour out of him like he’d rehearsed what he was going to say, which he didn’t, unless daydreaming about saying it over and over again for months on end counts. “I like you as more than a friend.” 

Connor tentatively looks up, and whatever reaction he was expecting, it wasn’t this one. Because Evan is fucking _beaming_. He actually isn’t sure if he’s ever even_ seen_ Evan smile like this before. 

Upon further inspection, Connor can see Evan’s cheeks are red, maybe just as red as Connor knows his own face probably is right now. Evan’s not making eye contact, either. In fact, he’s taken to picking at the loose threads on his comforter as well. 

Evan is quiet and Connor is about to panic, but then he mumbles something unintelligible just below his breath. 

It’s Connor’s turn to ask, “Huh?” 

“I said, I, uh. I said I. Like you back. As... m-more than a friend.” 

Oh. 

Well, that’s… something. 

The paranoia infects his mind almost right away. 

“You know, you don’t have to lie. You can be honest. I’m not gonna yell or scream at you or whatever, it’s fine.” 

They finally face each other properly and Connor can see that Evan’s eyes are wide and earnest. 

He’s the worst liar in the world, the most obvious person Connor knows. None of his tells are there. 

Evan might actually be telling him the truth. 

“I’m telling the truth,” Evan says so quietly that Connor almost misses it. 

“You are? I mean... you do?” Connor can’t help the way his voice comes out so small and hopeful. 

Could he really be that lucky? 

“Yeah,” Evan responds. 

So Zoe… and all their friends. They were right. 

Evan likes Connor back. 

And apparently they’ve been wasting a lot of time not kissing when they could have been kissing. Goddamnit. 

Speaking of which… 

“I really want to kiss you right now, but I’m guessing that’s out of the question until your mouth is healed?” 

“Yeah, probably.” 

“Sucks.” 

“There’s nothing wrong with my lips, though.” 

Before Connor can even formulate a response, Evan’s kissing him. 

It’s a barely-there peck. Gentle, quick and soft. Evan’s lips are chapped and so are Connor’s because it’s winter, but it’s the best first kiss he could have ever asked for. 

They break away and lock eyes for a moment until they each burst into hysterical giggles. 

The air between them has shifted. Everything is different and yet it’s like nothing has changed at all. 

“Can you…” Evan starts to ask once they’ve both settled down. He suddenly seems shy, which is a hilarious contrast to the fact that he’d just spontaneously kissed Connor on the lips. 

“What is it?” 

“Can you come here?” Evan asks, voice a little unsteady, gesturing to the spot next to him in bed. 

Oh. 

Evan wants to cuddle. 

Of course, Connor wouldn’t even consider denying him. They shift around until they’re both under the covers and it’s awkward for a few moments until they get comfortable. They wind up with Connor lying on his back and Evan half-draped over Connor’s chest. 

If he concentrates hard enough, Connor can feel Evan’s heartbeat. Loud, steady, and strong despite his recent illness. 

Resilient. Just like Evan himself. 

They lie like that for what feels like a long time. They talk, but not about anything heavy. Connor fills Evan in on what he missed at school, catches him up with the latest gossip coming out of their friend group, rehashes a story that Jared told at lunch and points out all the ways in which he’s being an idiot. Evan laughs and agrees. 

Eventually, Heidi calls up the stairs (thank god thank god thank god she didn’t come up because then she’d see them like this and Evan would definitely freak out over it and Connor probably would too) to ask if Connor’s staying for dinner. He checks his phone and sees it’s almost 6pm. 

“I should go. Zoe gave me a ride and she’s probably going to be annoyed if she has to wait any longer to come get me.” He shoots her a text and she quickly responds that she’ll be there in 10 minutes. 

“Okay. Uh, Connor?” 

“Yeah?”  


Evan hesitates and Connor looks up from the text Zoe just sent him which is literally just a paragraph of lip emojis. “What?” he asks. 

“Does this mean… we’re? Like, are we…?” 

“Oh, dating?” 

“Yeah.” 

Connor shrugs, trying to seem nonchalant even though he feels anything but. “Sure, but only if that’s what you want.” 

Evan smiles so damn big that it makes Connor’s heart clench. “I do. Want that.” 

Connor feels himself blushing again, but he can’t look away from Evan’s face. “Me too.” 

“Cool.” 

“Cool.” 

Zoe texts Connor that she’s outside not long after that. They say their goodbyes, Evan warning Connor he’s probably going to be out of school for a least another day or two but he’s welcome to come over again tomorrow after school. Of course Connor promises he’ll be there. 

He says goodbye to Heidi and then braces himself, because he already knows Zoe’s reaction is going to be _insufferable_. So much so that he actually considers lying to her and saying he chickened out. 

But, no. He owes Zoe more than that. 

Afterall, if she hadn’t said what she said that day at the diner, if she hadn’t convinced him to confess, Connor would still pining. He’d still be hiding his feelings. He’d still be completely miserable. 

He should probably thank her. 

“So? How did it go?!” She asks as soon as he opens the car door, as predicted. 

Connor makes a show of rolling his eyes as he plops down into the seat. “Rejected. He doesn’t like me back after all.” 

Zoe’s whole demeanor changes, her expression turning so, so sad. “Connor, oh my god. I’m so-” 

“Just kidding.” Connor smirks. 

She shoves at his arm. “You asshole! What really happened?” 

“I went for it. I told him. And I guess you were right, because he said he likes me back.” 

Her girly screech of delight is probably audible to the entire neighborhood. 

“Alright, alright! Don’t make such a big fucking deal about it,” Connor groans, trying to hide the fact that he’s beaming inside. 

But Zoe’s smile doesn’t fade. “When you two get married, can I officiate?” 

“If I had to guess, I’d say you’ll probably have to fight Jared off for that one.” 

“Nah, he wants to do the best man speech. He already told me.” 

“What?!” 

“Nothing!” 

Connor sighs heavily and tries not to picture their friend group planning his and Evan’s theoretical wedding without either of them being in the room. 

“On a serious note,” Zoe says and her tone is suddenly serious as she starts the car. “I’m really happy for you. For both of you.” 

“Thanks, Zoe. And... I mean it. Thank you for helping me pull my head out of my ass.” 

“Don’t mention it. I’m sure it won’t be the last time.” 

Connor laughs. “You’re probably right.” 

And as Zoe ends their conversation by turning on her Spotify and blasting Billie Eilish throughout the whole ride home, Connor can’t help but feel grateful. 

  
For everything in his life. For Zoe, their friends. 

Evan. 

He hasn’t felt this happy in a long, long time. 

And this is only the beginning.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And that's it! Thank you all so much for reading <3 I appreciate every single one of you. Your comments make my day every single time. 
> 
> I know I said I have school, and I very much do, but that wouldn't stop me from considering writing more for this verse (but that goes for all my fics lol). If anyone has any good prompts let me know!


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